Living life in the carpool lane..

Posts Tagged ‘trials and temper tantrums

My kids have a gift.  My kids have a talent.

My kids have the ability to make me look like I have no control over them whatsoever whenever we are in public.

No, really.

They make me look like I’m a completely ‘hot mess mama’ that can’t handle her own kids.

I don’t know how they do it.

And I swear that when I’m home, I have things seemingly under control.  At least, I think I do.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have to interact with other people, that I feel like my kids behave better when we are at home?

Maybe it’s because there are more things to see, hear and experience out than at home?

Maybe it’s because I’m just fooling myself into thinking I have things under control when I’m home?  That’s probably it.

K is at the age where she needs to experience everything.  I’m serious when I say EVERYTHING.  Today, at Costco, she felt the need to feel every package of bread that was within her reach.  EVERY. SINGLE. PACKAGE.

And I get it.  She’s at a very exploratory age.  She uses all her senses to get a feel for the world surrounding her.  But, when she refuses to sit in the shopping cart, so I compromise and allow her to walk while holding my hand, AND we have to keep up with Hubby and M ahead of us?

Hot mess.

What about when M is in dance class and I can barely stop K from wanting to get on that dance floor and join the class.  Thank goodness for the large waiting area in the back of the class, but it’s a real struggle to keep her on the carpeted area instead of the dance floor.  And when she refuses to cooperate, she screams.  Loud.  So loud the whole class can hear.  And I cringe.  It feels like I have no control over that kid.

Hot mess.

Or the time when we were at the music store and I was purchasing a piano book for M.  I’m at the register holding K trying to pay for the book when she decides she just wants to go down.  She begins to squirm and wiggle.  When that doesn’t work, she screams.  Loud.  Loudly, in my ears.  On top of that, M decides she wants to try out the bongo drums.  With nodes (click here), I’m not allowed to talk over loud noises.  So, I’m wrestling with K, trying to keep her in my arms.  I’m begging M to please stop playing the drums.  I’m wrestling with K again to stop trying to remove all the contents out of my wallet.  I’m begging M AGAIN to quit playing the drums.  I’m trying so hard to stay calm for the sake of my vocal chords and because I’m sure the store would not appreciate a mom having a meltdown.

I wanted to drop everything I was doing, sit on the floor and just cry.  Seriously.  I was THAT overwhelmed.  I wanted to give up and just wait for Hubby to come and rescue me.

I felt like I lost all control.

We’ve all been there, right?

But it is what it is.  I held K a little tighter.  Gave her a bunch of kisses and talked her through all the frustration (which was probably more for me than anything else).  M eventually listened and stopped banging the drum.  I purchased the book.  We went home.

The whole scenario probably lasted five minutes, but it felt like an eternity.

And in the grand scheme of things, this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to parenting trials.  This is all probably the easy stuff.

But c’mon!  Can’t they make me look like I have everything under control sometimes?  I mean, can’t they help me look like less flustered?  Just do mommy a favor and stop making me look like a hot mess all the time.

I know I’m not the only one that feels this!  Share your story in the comments below!

Vote For Me @ The Top Mommy Blogs Directory Vote For Me @ The Top Mommy Blogs Directory

Yesterday, I talked about the phase of life M and I are experiencing together.

Today, let’s make a list of things I’ve learned when dealing with life as a mother to a threenager…

Don’t stay mad
I’m the type of person to hold grudges.  I’m type of person that tends to stay mad.  However, M isn’t.  She goes from super defiant to super cuddly in the matter of minutes.  I have to learn to follow her lead.  Why would I stay mad when she’s trying to be a good girl?  It’s outside my comfort zone, but I know that staying mad when she is passed the moment doesn’t do anything but cause stress for both of us.

Walk away
I do this when things get really bad.  I make sure she’s in a safe location, and I step away beyond her line of sight.  I’m always only a few steps away, but when she can’t see me, it’s a pretty big deal.  Two things can happen when I walk away.  One, she cries harder.  Two, she calms down, gets up and looks for me.  Stepping away not only helps her (sometimes), it helps me.  Stepping away for awhile helps me take a breather, maybe silently scream to myself, and regroup.

Hug
In the midst of M’s tantrums, she often goes in for a hug.  Sometimes I know she’s just deflecting.  Other times, I know she really feels bad and sincerely needs a hug.  I always make sure I don’t deny her of her hugs.  If I know she’s deflecting, I make sure to take a hold of her, and before I bring her in, I bring her face to my face, and I try to talk things out with her.  Then once I get my message across, I bring her in for the hug.  Other times, when I know that she really needs the hug, I swallow my anger, and bring her in.  It’s while we are hugging that I start to talk to her about what happened and how to fix it.  Sometimes, hugging her is hard when I’m right in the middle of feeling angry and frustrated.  However, I know that no matter how mad I feel, I’m still her mother and she needs me for comfort, even if I’m the one that seems to be causing her tears.

Break the cycle
Some days, it feels like all I do is reprimand her.  I feels like it’s one thing after another and all we do is go back and forth with each other.  Some days it seems like she’s in tears all day.  It’s days like those that I find ways to break the monotony of frustration by finding ways to praise her.  During moments of calm, I find little ways to show her she is a good girl.  I find little tasks that she can do for me so I can praise her on how well she is listening to me.  I tell her to sing a song to her sister.  I tell her to pick something up for me.  I ask her to help me out with something.  It’s those little things that break the cycle of our fighting and can sometimes lead to a calm rest of the day.  This is something I learned to do recently.  I got tired of the constant tears and I wanted to find a way to start making her feel good about herself after having a rough day.

So far, these are the things I’ve learned with dealing with “M the Threenager.”  I know as the months go by, I’ll learn more things about how to deal.  M and I are both learning.  I just wish it didn’t involve a lot of raised voices and tears!

What have you learned about dealing with your “threenager?”

For awhile, we had been relying on empty threats when it comes to discplining M.

If you don’t stop that, I’m going to turn off the TV!”
“If you don’t stop that, I’m going to put back the play-doh!”

For awhile it worked… sort of.  We just had to remind her all the time!

Then, it stopped working. 

We knew that we had to finally follow through with our threats.

M was sitting on a computer chair in a way that can potentially hurt her.  We tell her all the time to not do that. 

Me: “M, stop that or I’m going to turn off Frozen.”
M: ….
Me: “M, do you want me to turn off Frozen?”
M: Yes. (
Probably not realizing what she was really going on.)

I turned off Frozen.

And then the water works started.  She cried.  Oh, she cried.

I explained to her why I turned it off and that I would turn it back on again if I saw her NOT sit on the chair that way.  She obeyed and the movie was turned back on.

It took about two or three more times of following through with our punishments before she realized we meant business when we told her to stop something.

Now, if we ask her “Do you want me to….” as a punishment, she answers “no,” and stops what she’s doing.

I think we safely say we won the battle, for now…

(Don’t forget to click these badges to rate my blog and vote for me. All you need to do is click!)
Rate My Blog @ Top Mommy Blogs Visit Top Mommy Blogs To Vote For Me


Follow on Bloglovin
Follow on Bloglovin

Blog Stats

  • 26,184 hits
July 2020
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031