Living life in the carpool lane..

Posts Tagged ‘things my husband does

We have two separate tubes of toothpaste.  I’m one of those “bottom squeezers” and he’s a “willy-nilly middle squeezer.”  That drives me NUTS!!!

Last night, I noticed that my tube was squeezed from the middle.

Me:  Hun!  You used my toothpaste!
Hubby: No I didn’t.
Me:  Yes you did!  Look!

(Shows him my deformed tube of toothpaste.)

Hubby:  No I didn’t.  I just squeezed your tube.
Me: …

Hubby laughs til we go to bed…

 

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On the couch, watching TV..

Me: Bite me.
Hubby: …
Me: Ow!
Hubby: Well, it was said…

Before going to bed..

Me:  Hun, clean the mirror.  It’s got all your little floss bits..
Hubby: I can’t.  They’re my friends.  They lived in my mouth with me.
Me: That’s gross
Hubby:  I’ll have separation anxiety..
Me: …

 

Hubby knows I’m insanely nosy..

So.. he’ll pretend that he’s really into his phone.. I mean.. REALLY into his phone.. and then NOT show me.. until I actually go and grab the phone cuz the suspense is killing me..

Only to find out that.. THE SCREEN IS COMPLETELY BLANK!!!

Then he gets a good laugh..

I fall for it EVERY TIME.

Every. Time.

Hubby gets a nice bowlful of chocolate malted crunch ice cream while we are watching Cupcake Wars on TV.

While deep into the episode, I open my mouth for a spoonful of that ice cream yumminess..

The spoon goes in..

AND IT WAS AN EMPTY SPOONFUL!!

Hubby cracks up laughing..

I grab my laptop..

Hubby:  It’s “Things my husband SAYS..” not “Things my husband DOES..”

(Sidenote:  He’s still laughing…)


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