Living life in the carpool lane..

Posts Tagged ‘Stay at Home Mothers

Monday was a rough morning for me, “working mom” me.

It was bad.  Bad, like, “crying in the car on the way to work” bad.

I guess it started last week.  The past few mornings have been absolutely freezing.  It started off feeling terrible because I had to make Little M go through those freezing cold mornings to go to Grandma & Grandpas house to be watched while Hubby and I go to work.

She doesn’t need to go through that.  She needs to be in her nice warm bed, snuggling up next to her mommy.. me.

THEN, she spent the entire weekend at my hip.  Literally.  I couldn’t even leave her sight.  I’d go to the restroom, two seconds after I disappear, I hear “Mimi! Mimi!” and the pitter-patter of her little feet running towards whatever room she thinks I’m in. 

So, Monday morning, I’m getting ready to go to work and she wakes up crying for me.  I carry her, comfort her, put her back to sleep.  I try to lay her back on the bed and she holds me tighter and starts to cry. 

“Mimi!  Go milk!”

She wanted milk, so Hubby gave her some and I thought all was good.

I walk by her again and she sees me.  The waterworks start up again and she’s in my arms again.

I hold her so close and she finally calms down. 

I tell her I had to go and that she had to go to Daddy.  She holds me tighter again and starts to cry.

Sigh.. that’s when I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I start to cry!

It really isn’t fair that she has to go through this and I feel absolutely terrible and so so so so so guilty.

You can tell me that so many mothers go through this everyday, but right now, it just doesn’t help. 

I would LOVE to be a stay at home mother.  That’s the dream.

You can’t tell me that I’d be bored at home.  You can’t tell me that being at home would drive me nuts.  I don’t think I’d get bored.  I don’t think I would be drive nuts.  I think I would absolutely enjoy it.  I’d rather have the stresses of what to cook for dinner, or how many loads of laundry I have to do, or making sure M stays out of trouble.. I’d rather have all that than having to have her go out in the cold of an early morning, or having her cry for me when she wakes up and I’m not there..

It’s just so sad. 

I hope she understands all that I do for her when she gets older.. I just wish it didn’t make me feel so guilty..

Sometimes I sit at work sad that I’m not home with Little M.

I feel bad that I’m not there when she wakes up in the morning on the weekdays.  I feel bad that I don’t get to play with her during the day.

I don’t like thinking about it too much because it breaks my heart.

But.. I have to do what I have to do.. just like all working mothers.

I live for the weekends where Little M can open her eyes and the first person she sees is her “mimi.”  She smiles so big and then she says, “mimi!”  And then she says “Doh-wah.”  But.. that’s beside the point.. hahah!

For me, being a working mother is the biggest sacrifice I’ve had to make.  Growing up, I always thought I would be a stay-at-home mother.  That’s what my mother was, and I just automatically assumed that I would be one too..

But times are different.. two income families are necessities.. and I have had to learn to deal with that reality.

It would be great to be able to stay at home with her more than just the weekends.. work fewer days a week.. and still earn the same money I am making currently.. hmm.. maybe I should have become a nurse!

This is my life.  This is my reality.  It makes me a little sad, but I know I’m not alone.

 


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