Living life in the carpool lane..

Posts Tagged ‘stay at home mom

Facebook showed me that on April 6, 2015, I officially became a SAHM.

It was the day that my maternity leave finally ended and I had made the decision to not go back to work.

In actuality, I had been a SAHM since July of 2014, when my pregnancy to K had complications that caused me to remain on disability until the day she was born.  I was a SAHM with some limitations due to my modified bedrest restrictions.

But in April, that’s when it felt “official.”

Since then, life has been a blur of preschool volunteer days, target trips, and bustling around town to all sorts of classes and activities.  On top of trying to keep the kids fed and the schedules straight, I’ve also found time to resurrect this blog and to keep an active Etsy shop going.

How do I do it?

Well, I just don’t sleep.

I’m typing this in our bedroom, on our bed, while the family is snoring peacefully in the background.

#teamnosleep

I knew going into this that becoming a SAHM was not going to be easy.  Becoming a SAHM has definitely been the hardest job I’ve ever tackled.  It’s non-stop, it’s never ending, it’s exhausting.

It’s never been more fulfilling.

Becoming a SAHM is definitely my dream come true.  It’s the job I always wanted.

One year later, I still love it.

When I was a working mom, it was easy to find the time to blog. I would sit at my computer when I had some down time and type away. 

Now that I stay home, there really is no such thing as down time. Maybe if I can get both kids to nap at the same time , but that’s nearly impossible. 

I could probably do it when the baby sleeps and then keep M occupied with something else, but the minute she sees my laptop open, she’s right by my side asking to go on sproutonline.com. 

So, blog topics have been piling up as a to-do item in my planner… 

I hate neglecting this blog. 

So, how do I fix it?

I blog on my phone. Yes, as uncomfortable as this is, I am typing up a blog post on my phone. I’m using the WordPress app. 

I’m probably going to end up with carpal tunnel syndrome as a result. But for now, this is working. 

With the new month coming up, I’m challenging myself to make the time to blog more. It worked in February when I did the ABCs. 

I did it then, I can do it now. 

By the way, happy 5 months to my little K. Time is flying for us, little one. Enjoy the baby life. I want to savor every moment. 

I didn’t think that I would need coffee once I quit my job and decided to stay home.  I thought coffee was only because I would wake up really early in the morning and drive a 45 minute commute.  I thought coffee was only because I needed to stay awake and productive for the eight hours I was working.

Nope.

Turns out, I still need coffee.

Sure, I wake up a little later than I used to.  Sure, I’m not driving anywhere unless we have to.  Sure, being productive at home is a lot more different that being productive at work.

But I still need coffee…

Oh well.

And because I don’t have time to prepare a freshly brewed cup…

And because I don’t have my Keurig anymore (nor do I really want one anymore.. but that’s another blog entry for later..)..

And because I haven’t perfected the art of making the perfect up of coffee with my French press..

I drink instant coffee… it’s definitely not the best, but it’s quick and it seems to do the trick.

Now, if I could just build my own little Starbucks inside my kitchen.. that would be perfect!

Gotta love three year olds.

They really tell it like they see it.

Read story below:

My phone was on the couch one afternoon when Hubby came home from work.  M saw my phone the couch and grabbed it.  She sat on the couch, turned my phone on, and started up my Youtube app.

She looked up at Hubby and said, “I’m Mama, I sit on the couch on my phone and watch Youtube!”

Hubby looked at me and said, “That sounds about right…”

We couldn’t help but laugh.

Yes, it does seem like I’m on the couch for most of the day.  Yes it does seem like I’m on my phone for a lot of the day.  But what she doesn’t seem to remember is that I’m either feeding K, rocking K, or holding a sleeping K.

I have to admit that I got on the defensive a bit.  I started enumerating the many times I pick up after her and how I’m pretty much at her beck and call when it comes to anything she needs to eat or drink from the kitchen.

I’m sure it was funny to see myself defending my daily actions to a three year old.

I guess it’s a lesson learned… kids really see everything…

On Monday, I started a new job…

It’s a job that I’ve wanted for almost all my life.  It’s a job that I have been begging for since M was born.  It’s a job that will be the hardest job I’ve ever had, but it’s the only job I’ve ever wanted.

Stay At Home Mom

Yup.  It’s official.

I put in my resignation last week and started this new job on Monday, officially.

I’d been home since July since there were complications with my pregnancy with K.  It seemed like the most logical choice to stay home.  I had been home for almost a year already, 10 months to be exact.  M was just so used to having me here.  I’d ask her if she wanted me to go back to work and she’d tell me, “No, just stay here with me.”  How could I leave her knowing she wanted me around?

Now I won’t have to feel the anxiety of knowing that I’ll have to leave these girls behind to spend most of the day somewhere else.  Now I won’t have to worry about how much time off I have left every time one of them would get sick.  Now I won’t have to worry about how they are doing, what the are eating, how they are feeling while I’m away.  Now I won’t have to leave the comfort of a nice warm cuddle when the alarm goes off in the morning.  I can stay up late with any of the kids and not have to worry about how many hours of sleep I will get because I’ll have work the next day.

I can spend a sleepless night with one of the girls and not have to worry about how much coffee I have to drink to function the next day.. wait, no… this will still happen.. It just won’t have to happen at work…

I’m not going to miss a single smile, coo, movement, cry, laugh, or anything in between.  I’m going to watch K grow up the way I wished I got to see M grow up.

I’m very excited for this new chapter of my life and what direction my blog will take because of this change.

Read about my ABC blog series here.

Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L , M, N, O, P, Q, R

I’ve been home since July of last year when I was suddenly put on bedrest due to my subchrionic hemmorhage early in my pregnancy.

Now that I have the baby, the big question is whether or not I’m going to go back to work.

It’s been a subject that we have been discussing for awhile.

I’ve been away from work for about 8 months now.  It seems almost normal being a “stay at home mom.”

M has thrived so much since I started staying home.  Even if I was under limited capacity, M seemed to just love that I am around 24/7.

I can’t imagine going back anymore.  It just seems…. mean.

I hated being a working mom… I felt like I was just a part-time mom.  I missed out on a lot of the daytime with her, only seeing in the late afternoon and evening for dinner and bedtime.. It didn’t seem fair to her.  It didn’t seem fair to me.  I wanted to parent her, not anyone else.

I also couldn’t balance life.  Cooking, cleaning, laundry, parenting.. I couldn’t find the right balance.  Everything was a mess because all I wanted to do was be with M.

(Ok.. so things are STILL a mess around here.. but that’s because I have a newborn and I’m still figuring things out… the excuses just never end, do they?)

Millions of mothers CAN do the working mom thing and do it successfully.  I just felt like I couldn’t.  I felt chaotic.  I felt like I had no control.

Once I stayed home, it’s like my world suddenly made sense.  Ok, so I was on bedrest.  Ok, so I was very limited with what I could and could do.  Ok, so staying at home during my pregnancy seemed… easy.

Now, I’m staying at home with two kids.  It’s hectic.  It’s chaotic.  Sometimes I don’t shower.  Sometimes I forget to brush my teeth.  My hair is constantly a mess.  I wear the same clothes for several days until they smell so much like baby spit-up that I HAVE to change.  I have NO time to myself.  The only adults I talk to are Hubby and my parents.

Staying home seems so much harder than working…

But I want to stay… I want to stay home.

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I’ve been mopey lately.  I’m not sure why..

Maybe it’s the failed pregnancy attempts (2, so far, but still makes me sad)…

Maybe it’s the lack of caffiene in my system (quit drinking regularly since January)…

If you’ve been a regular reader of my blog, you know I get this way sometimes.  Who doesn’t, right?

The best way I’ve found to deal with it is to always acknowlege it.  I never try to just ignore it.  It’s actually pretty hard to ignore. 

I have to face the fact that I’m feeling down. 

Then, once I’ve acknowleged it, I figure out why and how I can overcome it.

Right now, I feel stagnant.  I feel unproductive at work.  I feel like I could be doing much better things with my time.  I could be with M.  I could be mothering her instead of sitting in a cubicle all day. 

I want to find different ways to make money.  I want to be a work-from-home mom.  I want to be able to spend time with my daughter.

I’m struggling with the balance of home and work.  I feel like I don’t have the time to dedicate to my home life because work life takes over.

I wish I was better at meal planning and grocery shopping, but I feel like work gets in the way.

I admire the working moms that seem to have it all together.  They can come home from a full days work, prepare a great meal, get the home ready, and then be a mom.. I feel like I’ve struggled with this since I came back to work back in 2012.. I still can’t balance it all.  It makes me sad and frustrated.

I feel like I could be a better person if I could concentrate on just one thing.

Being a wife/mom without the work. 

Some days are better than others.  Somedays I feel like superwoman and I can tackle it all.  Other days, like these, I feel overwhelmed and mopey.

So now that I know why I feel this way, how do I fix it?

I’ve been working on finding ways to make money from the home.  That’s my crafting and cardmaking, but I’m also thinking of other avenues..  I’ve been figuring out ways to expand this blog.  Maybe more product reviews, getting more exposure, writing better entries. 

I know I’m not the only mother that deals with this.. and I know this feeling isn’t going to last forever. 

I just need to find my “pick-me-up.”

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I had an extended weekend this past weekend. 

Friday and Monday off.

Toddler with a cold turned into toddler with an asthma attack turned into “mommy to the rescue!”

Being home was a nice break from work.  I got to sleep in a little later than I usually do.  That’s probably the only perk.  Being home finds me just as busy as when I’m at work.  No, I take that back.  I’m so much MORE busy than when I am at work.

At work, I can sit in my cubicle for the whole 8 hours.  I concentrate on my job, just the tasks that I have on hand.  That’s all.  During lunchtime, I heat up my food and eat uninterupted.  At the end of the day, I go home and forget all about it.

At home, there’s toddler chasing, toddler wrangling, toddler entertaining, toddler feeding, toddler cleaning, toddler bathroom duties, toddler napping, toddler meltdowns… all day.  At home, there are many tasks all at once.  There’s no escape.  It’s all day, everday.

I love it all.

I love being at home.  I love spending time with M no matter how busy and how tiring it is.  Getting a random hug, or a smile, or a kiss.  The smile she had on her face when she would wake up to see me was just completely priceless.  I’m hoping that these days will happen more often. 

That’s living the dream!

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I sat here for the last 10 minutes staring at a blank “new post” form wondering what to write about..

I still sit here drawing a blank, but I thought I’d try a “free-write” for today and see where the thoughts take me.

I usually have an interesting story about my family.. or some insight on my daughter’s development.. or some analysis of my life thus far..

But today.. I draw a blank.

Honestly, I have no idea what to talk about.. I guess you can say it’s “writers block” or you can call it laziness..

To prepare for the week’s worth of blog posts, I have a list of potential topics listed in the “Notes” app of my phone.  There lies the many stories and thoughts that develop into blog posts.  I have one note for this blog, and another note for the crafting blog..

Actually, the crafting blog has a much longer list.. but I write that blog twice a week.. so the topics accumulate.

So.. it’s not writer’s block..

And my life is definitely NOT boring.. in fact, I was home all day yesterday and got to spend some quality time with M.. it definitely wasn’t boring..

She spilled a cup full of Cheez-its all over the living room..

She flipped a bowl full of corn upside down and swung it around creating the biggest radius of mess our little apartment has ever seen..

She continuously spilled her box of crayons and would exclaim “Oh mess!” to whatever character she was watching on TV..

She found a coin (which we NEVER let her play with.. money is soo dirty.. and a choking hazard!) while I was cooking lunch and the look on her face was the ultimate toddler triumph.. she was laughing in delight when she realized she grabbed the coin without anyone stopping her.. that triumph was short lived as I got out of the kitchen and took the coin away..

I woke up with some pretty bad hives up and down my legs which made me reconsider going into work yesterday.. luckily an allergy pill helped alieviate the itching..

I got my palm caught in the seam of our accordian door while checking on some laundry.. I tried to put M’s Boo-Boo-Buddy on it and it just made it sting so much more..

I was able to be a totally June Cleaver and have dinner almost done by the time Hubby got home from work.. I should have put on a dress, heels and some pearls..

All this, and so much more, seemed to happen all in one day.. I love that about my life.. it’s so unpredictable and full of little adventures..

Ok.. so I didn’t see it that way when looking over and seeing those big messes all over the floor.. but after all is said and done… this phase in her life is going to go by so quickly.. her exploring, discovering and learning.. the innocent messes she’ll make.. it’ll will all go away in the blink of an eye..

When being a parent to a toddler, the one thing I’ve learned so far is that you have to take the good with the bad.. and angelic with the mischevious.. the laughter and the tears.. and you have to embrace it all.. because they grow up so fast.. and before you know it.. all those things just become memories..

Wow.. what a free-write.. who would have thought it would have lead to that!  Sometimes it’s good to just let the brain run free and type whatever comes to mind.. your brain and fingers always find away to steer you in the right direction!

I took a little vacation from work to be a SAHM (stay at home mommy).

My inlaws usually watch Little M and they went on vacation for two weeks.  So I took a week off last week, and my mother is watching her this week!

I have to say that the little taste of “stay at home momness” was amazing.  It was so hard, but so fun at the same time.

She’s definitely harder to raise 24/7 than she was when I was on maternity leave!

It’s just that she’s EVERYWHERE and into EVERYTHING!  I love it!

It was so fun and such a great extra bonding experience to have with her, and I pray ALL THE TIME that we will be blessed with an opportunity to allow me to do it full-time. 

I do have to admit that by the end of the week, I was definitely refreshed and ready to go to work.. but that totally ended when I went to work on Monday and wished I was on vacation again..

Sigh.


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