Living life in the carpool lane..

Posts Tagged ‘Nursing

I was going through my personal Instagram feed and in an instant, K was a newborn again…

She was so tiny. 

I started thinking about life with a newborn. I thought about the sleepless nights, the endless feelings, teeny tiny babies…

I realized I never took a photo of me nursing. 

We all know that I nursed both my girls, but for only 2-3 months… It was such a short span of their lives, but it was important to me. 

How could I have not taken a photo?!

Not to post on my social media, but for my own memories…

The images are in my mind… How I cradled them in my arms, how they would hold on to me while they latched, how we would look into each other’s eyes, those moments when they would fall asleep…

Will I eventually forget them? 

Will the images fade like the memories of what nursing felt like?

I remember the feeling of frustration of their learning to latch. I remember the discomfort of a bad latch. I remember the sore boobs. I remember the feeling of relief when they filled their little tummies up with my milk. I remember the feeling of their little sucking motions…

But those memories of those feelings are fading… 

I still want to remember. 

I wish I took a picture….

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Read about my ABC blog series here.

Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L ,M

When I was compiling my list of topics that corresponded to the letters of the alphabet, I picked nursing for N because I was going to write about my love/hate relationship with it.  I love nursing K, but I hated the way my breasts always felt so sore and heavy.

But now, as I type up this blog entry, it’s about how my nursing days are most likely numbered…

This was the similar scenario I dealt with when I had M.

Because K came early, 36 weeks, my milk didn’t come in fast enough and her preemie status meant that they were watching her initial weight loss like a hawk.  K was also developing jaundice and they wanted her milk intake to be enough for her to pee and poop enough to get rid of the jaundice fast.  Because of all these factors, I had to supplement my breast milk with formula.

All went well, her jaundice passed, and she eventually started relying solely on my milk for her nourishment.

When she turned a month old, I noticed that she would take both breasts and still seem unsatisfied.  I started supplementing again with an ounce or two and she would feel so much better.  I also noticed that my breasts wouldn’t “fill up” as quickly, no matter how much I pumped in between or how much I let her nurse.  I know the doctors and nurses would tell me that pumping and allowing her to nurse would trigger my breasts to produce more milk, but it just wasn’t the case with me.

More and more I found her less satisfied with drinking solely my milk.  More and more I found myself supplementing with more and more formula.

I tried eating oatmeal.  I tried drinking more water.  I tried leafy veggies that were on my list for increasing milk production.  I tried soups.

Nothing.  Nothing would increase my milk supply.  K was getting less and less satisfied.

Now, my milk is being used as the supplement and the formula is her main source of milk.  She’s a lot more satisfied.  She cries less.  She sleeps longer.

No matter how much I wanted to be her sole milk provider, I just don’t think my body was made for it.  I’m ok with that.  It happened with M when she was an infant.  I thought I could change it with K, but my physiology proved otherwise.

My nursing days are numbered.  I know it.  I know I’m going to miss it.

It was easy.  The night feedings were simple.  No one had to get up to make a bottle.

She is just starting to hug me as she nursed.  She was just starting to hold my breast like a huge bottle in her face.  The description might be crass, but believe me, it’s a cute thing to see.

I’m not giving up hope.  I’m going to continue to give her my milk, as little as it may seem to her.  Some milk from me is better than no milk from me.  I know I’m probably never going to produce enough for her to rely on completely again, but knowing that I can still give her something is good enough for me.

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Little M came home on Monday from Grandma’s house with a fever. 

I gave her fever reducer when she got home.  That night, she had another fever which I gave her fever reducer for at 2am.

With her, that’s usually a pattern she goes through when she gets an ear infection.

So, I went home from work on Tuesday in order to keep an eye on her and take her to the doctor to make sure she doesn’t have an ear infection. 

The last time we went to the doctors office was last month for her second set of 12month vaccinations.  I had them split so that it wouldn’t be so bad..

She was absolutely miserable. She cried so hard.  I had never heard or seen her cry so hard in her life.  I felt awful that I put her through all of it, but I had to..

Taking her in on Tuesday, I didn’t think she would remember that experience.  Over a month had passed and I was sure that it wouldn’t be a huge deal.

WRONG!

She was fine up until the nurse called her in.  It was the same nurse that gave her all of her shots, and I was surprised that she recognized her.

I had a few things to hold so I was hoping that M would walk into the room, but as soon as she saw the lady, she wanted me to carry her right away.

Her face changed immediately into a face of pure nerves and fear.

Poor girl.

She didn’t cry out loud.. she just got really teary eyed and had that little cry-pout.  The whole time the nurse was checking her vitals, she was saying “mimi! mimi!” like she thought I was going to leave her.

She held on to me sooo tight.  All I could say was “I’m here.  I’m not going to leave you.”  I just held her so tight back.  It was the only thing I could think of to comfort her.

She didn’t want to be touched by the nurses or the doctor.  She just thought this was bad news all around.

Poor baby.  I didn’t realize how traumatizing the previous experience was for her..

Thank God, she didn’t have an ear infection and she didn’t have a fever for the rest of the day.. it was just a 24 hour bug that came and went quickly.

M has her 15month well-baby check up in about a week and a half.  I feel terrible about it.  She’s going to get shots and it’s just going to perpetuate her fear..

How did you handle your child’s fear of doctors, or just fears, in general?

 

Warning:  This post may be a little too “TMI” for boys and those that aren’t mommies at the moment.. but since this is blog about all my life experiences.. I figure that it’s ok to post.

I made the decision to stop nursing a few days ago.  For the past month, I had only been nursing her at night, and this past week, it just didn’t seem like it was enough for her anymore.  So, I had to make the executive decision to stop nursing her at 3months and 1week of age.

It’s bittersweet.  I’m glad that now I can go back to eating everything I loved to eat, and also diet the way I should to get back to my pre-prego weight.  But, I LOVED nursing.

I loved watching her nurse on me.  Nothing perverted.  I loved watching her nurse in a mother-child bonding way.  It was like our last sort of physical connection outside of her being in my womb.

But I’m not too worried.  I’m glad I cut my losses and stopped nursing her because she clearly wasn’t getting enough from me and I don’t want to think I’m starving her for the sake of wanting to nurse her for 6months.

I’m going to miss the ease of nursing, especially during the night feedings.  All I had to do was sit up and bam!  Feeding time!

But now that she bottle feeds at night, we get good 4-5 hour stretches of sleep.. ahh.. sleep.

So, goodbye nursing.  I hope Little M got all that she needed from me.

At what age did you stop nursing your little one?


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