Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’
The testing phase…
Posted on: April 15, 2015
Dealing with a three and a half year old is hard.
One minute she’s super duper sweet and cuddly. The next minute she’s refusing to do anything.
“No!” seems to be her favorite response to everything, yet, I’m not allowed to say it.
She dislikes when I raise my voice or talk firmly to her, but doesn’t realize that if she just listened the first time, none of the consequences would happen..
One minute she’s my best friend. The next minute I’m her worst enemy.
I hate that, on some days, I feel like all I do is reprimand her. I feel like all I do is make my kid cry.
In the midst of her tears, I keep telling her, “all you have to do is listen…” over and over again. I feel like a broken record.
Now I know how my mom felt…
I totally know this is a phase. I’ve taken enough child development classes in college (ok, just one...) to know that this is the age where she’s learning how far she can go before I lose my mind and she gets in trouble. I know she’s testing her boundaries. I know that it’s up to me to set those boundaries.
But it’s exhausting.
I’m taking things one day at a time. Yesterday may have been a bad day, but we always wake up the next morning with a clean slate.
Everyday with a three and a half year old is different. Good or bad, I fall in love with her more and more everyday.
A dream came true…
Posted on: April 8, 2015
On Monday, I started a new job…
It’s a job that I’ve wanted for almost all my life. It’s a job that I have been begging for since M was born. It’s a job that will be the hardest job I’ve ever had, but it’s the only job I’ve ever wanted.
Stay At Home Mom
Yup. It’s official.
I put in my resignation last week and started this new job on Monday, officially.
I’d been home since July since there were complications with my pregnancy with K. It seemed like the most logical choice to stay home. I had been home for almost a year already, 10 months to be exact. M was just so used to having me here. I’d ask her if she wanted me to go back to work and she’d tell me, “No, just stay here with me.” How could I leave her knowing she wanted me around?
Now I won’t have to feel the anxiety of knowing that I’ll have to leave these girls behind to spend most of the day somewhere else. Now I won’t have to worry about how much time off I have left every time one of them would get sick. Now I won’t have to worry about how they are doing, what the are eating, how they are feeling while I’m away. Now I won’t have to leave the comfort of a nice warm cuddle when the alarm goes off in the morning. I can stay up late with any of the kids and not have to worry about how many hours of sleep I will get because I’ll have work the next day.
I can spend a sleepless night with one of the girls and not have to worry about how much coffee I have to drink to function the next day.. wait, no… this will still happen.. It just won’t have to happen at work…
I’m not going to miss a single smile, coo, movement, cry, laugh, or anything in between. I’m going to watch K grow up the way I wished I got to see M grow up.
I’m very excited for this new chapter of my life and what direction my blog will take because of this change.
Motherhood
Posted on: April 1, 2015
Last night, I felt it.
Motherhood.
We were all in bed.
K was on my chest, sound asleep.
M was cuddling my arm trying to find that comfortable position that will finally send her to dreamland.
I was in a slightly seated position with my neck bent in a way that I would most likely regret the following morning.
That’s when I felt it. I felt like a mother. This very moment I described was “motherhood.”
Never in my life had I felt so comfortable being so physically uncomfortable.
The moment didn’t last very long. M decided that the other side of the bed was where she was most comfy before she fell asleep. I eventually put K down on the bed to lie down snuggled in my arms.
I wanted someone to take our picture so I could capture that moment forever. These girls are only this young for such a short time. I wanted to engrave this moment in my brain and hope I never forget it.
This is why I decided that I absolutely needed to continue blogging. I need an outlet to place these memories. I need this space to help me remember these precious points in time. I need this blog to be able to share with my girls what if felt like to be their mother. I need this blog to show them how much of an impact they made on my life.
Now, more than ever, I understand the significance of this blog.
N – Nursing
Posted on: February 15, 2015
- In: ABC | Parenthood
- 13 Comments
Read about my ABC blog series here.
Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L ,M
When I was compiling my list of topics that corresponded to the letters of the alphabet, I picked nursing for N because I was going to write about my love/hate relationship with it. I love nursing K, but I hated the way my breasts always felt so sore and heavy.
But now, as I type up this blog entry, it’s about how my nursing days are most likely numbered…
This was the similar scenario I dealt with when I had M.
Because K came early, 36 weeks, my milk didn’t come in fast enough and her preemie status meant that they were watching her initial weight loss like a hawk. K was also developing jaundice and they wanted her milk intake to be enough for her to pee and poop enough to get rid of the jaundice fast. Because of all these factors, I had to supplement my breast milk with formula.
All went well, her jaundice passed, and she eventually started relying solely on my milk for her nourishment.
When she turned a month old, I noticed that she would take both breasts and still seem unsatisfied. I started supplementing again with an ounce or two and she would feel so much better. I also noticed that my breasts wouldn’t “fill up” as quickly, no matter how much I pumped in between or how much I let her nurse. I know the doctors and nurses would tell me that pumping and allowing her to nurse would trigger my breasts to produce more milk, but it just wasn’t the case with me.
More and more I found her less satisfied with drinking solely my milk. More and more I found myself supplementing with more and more formula.
I tried eating oatmeal. I tried drinking more water. I tried leafy veggies that were on my list for increasing milk production. I tried soups.
Nothing. Nothing would increase my milk supply. K was getting less and less satisfied.
Now, my milk is being used as the supplement and the formula is her main source of milk. She’s a lot more satisfied. She cries less. She sleeps longer.
No matter how much I wanted to be her sole milk provider, I just don’t think my body was made for it. I’m ok with that. It happened with M when she was an infant. I thought I could change it with K, but my physiology proved otherwise.
My nursing days are numbered. I know it. I know I’m going to miss it.
It was easy. The night feedings were simple. No one had to get up to make a bottle.
She is just starting to hug me as she nursed. She was just starting to hold my breast like a huge bottle in her face. The description might be crass, but believe me, it’s a cute thing to see.
I’m not giving up hope. I’m going to continue to give her my milk, as little as it may seem to her. Some milk from me is better than no milk from me. I know I’m probably never going to produce enough for her to rely on completely again, but knowing that I can still give her something is good enough for me.
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M – Me time..
Posted on: February 14, 2015
Read about my ABC blog series here.
Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L
Finding some “me time” is currently impossible.
The only “me time” I can get is when I take a shower, and finding time for THAT is close to impossible.
Am I complaining? Maybe a little.
When it was just M, it was easy. She could go to me, then she could go to Hubby, and then I’d get some time for myself. I could craft, blog, watch some TV, do what I needed to do to refresh.
Now that we have two kids, when K spends some time with Hubby, I need to make up for the time I couldn’t spend with M because I had been so preoccupied with K. You see where I’m going?
I know that we just started this whole “two kid” parenting thing.. and K is still really young and still really dependent.
I feel like I just got so used to M being so much older. I forgot how it was when M was young and completely dependent on me. I know that I hardly had any time for myself back then, as well.
I know we are all still adjusting… but I do miss those moments I get to myself just for a little refresher…
I know that day will come soon…
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F – Four
Posted on: February 7, 2015
Read about my ABC blog series here.
Most of the nights, K wakes up about every three hours. It’s a diaper change and a feeding every time. While a solid three hours of sleep seems good, it’s exhausting. Sometimes, I’m too awake after a feeding that I can’t sleep right away and I find that I stay awake for about an hour after she fell back asleep. That leaves me with only two hours of sleep before she wakes up again!
By the time M wakes up, I’m exhausted and feel so sleep deprived.
However, there are those miraculous days where K decides to give me FOUR hours of sleep between a feeding. That means I really only wake up once in the middle of the night..
It feels soooooo good.
Who knew that one extra hour of sleep and know that I only have had to wake up once in the wee hours of the morning can feel amazing!?
After a four hour span of sleep, by the time M wakes up, I feel so refreshed and ready to tackle the day…
Now that K is approaching 6 weeks old, I’m hoping these 4-hour spans occur more often..
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E – Exercise
Posted on: February 6, 2015
- In: ABC | Weight control
- 23 Comments
Read about my ABC blog series here.
I’m finding it hard to find it time to exercise. I know tons of fit moms out there can do it. I’m not saying it’s impossible. I’m just saying that I’m having a hard time trying to fit it into my own daily routine.
Hubby and I are currently challenging ourselves to doing about 30 pushups a day for the month of February. If I quit, which I have been known to do in our past challenges, I will have to go back to work… I don’t plan on it, so I plan on sticking to our challenge. Going back to work? Well, I will get to that later..
I’m still in the process of figuring out what Fitbit to buy…
Another method of exercise is to just do what my toddler does. If she’s dancing and jumping around during one of her television show theme songs, then I’m dancing and jumping around. If she wants to run around the room for awhile, I’m running around the room with her for awhile. Why not? Toddlers have a lot of energy and know how to burn calories on a daily basis.
Since I can’t find solid time for exercise, this is the best I can do.. and I’m going to make the most of it..
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I love pregnancy
Posted on: November 29, 2014
Hubby asked me, despite everything that has been going on, if I still love being pregnant. Here’s my answer:
I love being pregnant. I love feeling the baby move around. I love knowing that I’m not alone at the moment, that there is always someone with me, even when I’m up at night while all of you are asleep. I love trying to figure out what body part is poking out of my tummy. I love trying to figure out what kind of personality this little person in me is going to have based on her movements and how she interacts when I rub my belly. I love imagining what she’s going to look like when she comes out.
I don’t like the constant aches and pains. I really don’t like the first trimester of constant nausea. I really don’t like the third trimester of constant discomfort. I don’t like that I waddle. I don’t like that I gain too much weight during each pregnancy. I don’t like that this pregnancy had way too many complications. I don’t like being confined to a wheelchair when we go places. I don’t like that I’m not allowed to do too much stuff. I don’t like the sore abdomen muscles. I don’t like the sore groin muscles. I don’t like it has to hurt to give birth. I don’t like the healing process after giving birth. I don’t like, even though labor is practically a routine thing, that there is always a chance of complication. I don’t like that I get so irritated so quickly when my hormones go all haywire.
Hubby says that it seems that the dislikes outnumber the likes.
While it may seem so, the truth of the matter is, I really do love being pregnant and all those dislikes are nothing comparent to the feeling of holding my sweet newborn when all is said and done.
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Introducing M to the pregnancy..
Posted on: June 18, 2014
When we found out that we were pregnant, we let M know right away.
For months now, she had been into babies. She would constantly take her baby doll and carry it around, rock it to sleep, feed it. She even named it “Brother.”
So we figured that it would be ok for us to tell her that there is a baby on the way.
I don’t know if I was expecting her to get excited. I don’t know if I was expecting her to go straight to my stomach and cover it with kisses..
I really don’t know what I was expecting to happen.
This is what happened:
She was playing with one of her stuffed animals when I told her. I told her that there was a baby in my tummy. She said, “yes” without even looking up at me and continued playing with her toy.
Ok. So it was very uneventful.
I did get her to stop playing for a quick second to give my belly a kiss, but that was about it.
Overall, she wasn’t impressed. She’s two. She doesn’t get it. She probably won’t get it until my stomach gets huge or the baby is actually here.
How did you introduce your little one to your new pregnancy? Did you tell them right away? Did you wait until you were showing more? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments!
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Three months..
Posted on: June 3, 2014
In three months, I will have a three year old.
M will be three years old in three months.
A three month span of time usually flies by in the blink of an eye.
Today, M is 33 months old.
She’s definitely a little person now. Her language skills have grown in leaps and bounds and we converse constantly. She asks questions now. She makes up stories. She talks all the time!
She constantly makes us laugh. She continues to keep us on our toes.
She’s found a newfound appreciation for her educational apps and tv shows. She’s hooked on Superwhy again, and she loves all the little app games that teach her things on her iPad.
I think she’s found a new interest in apps that are more interactive than just watching Youtube videos. She still loves her Youtube videos, but she now plays games more than just watching things.
I don’t mind it at all. I know that through those games, she’s learning. She also knows how to ask me for help, and she can now specify what she needs help with.
The improvement in our communication skills has help us both so much.
Dearest M,
Continue being the loving, happy little girl we adore. I love your love of life. I love your curiosity. I love your brightness! I pray that you continue to be blessed with happiness and health. I pray for your safety every hour of every day. I can’t wait to see what life has in store for you.
Three months. Time for birthday party planning…
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Living life in the carpool lane.. 