Living life in the carpool lane..

Posts Tagged ‘feelings

I have to admit, there’s a lot going on right now..

Work is just taking all my time away during the day.  Then home life is just as hectic.

On top of trying to keep from drowning in laundry, there’s a little person I have to make sure doesn’t bonk her head on any and every hard surface there is in our apartment.  On top of that, I have to make sure she eats.  On top of that, I have to make sure the Hubby eats.  On top of that, we’ve been doing a massive reorganization of the apartment.  On top of that, I’ve got a craft blog to keep up.  On top of that, I’ve got several projects for a friend’s wedding I need to finish.

Isn’t life great?!

I know when things get hectic like this, something has to give.  But what?

With all that’s going on, I feel like the blog is suffering.  The stories are few.  I’m just trying to keep my head above water. 

I told myself that when I started this blog I wouldn’t fill it with useless complaints.  I told myself I wouldn’t make this blog all “woe is me” and “my life sucks,” because I know very well that it doesn’t.  We just go through ups and downs.  We just occasionally find ourselves in a funk, but what’s so great about it is that it’s only temporary. 

Well, I’m definitely going through a funk right now.  I’m desperate for a career change.  I seriously can’t see myself doing this for the rest of my life anymore.  Maybe it’s the burn out, maybe it’s a real longing for change.  I don’t know.  All I know is, I’m not 100% happy with where my career is right now. 

But I’ll give it time.

It’s just a funk.

I’m working on pushing my way out of it.  Maybe that’s why I’ve been so desperate to get this apartment reorganization done.  Making change that will actually get accomplished will make me feel so productive.  I need to know I can make a change happen, even if its as simple as an apartment reorganization.

If you see the blog suffer a bit, let me know.  If you find that the posts are starting to become more pessimistic, let me know. 

If there is anything you ever wish to have me discuss, review, or try… let me know.

I promise to keep my complaining to a minimum..

I woke up to a world that has once again been changed forever.. the tragedies that occurred yesterday at the Boston Marathon will forever been etched into the minds of millions.

I wasn’t directly affected, but I feel terrible just the same.

It’s the strangest feeling waking up and starting my day “business as usual” when another part of the country is in mourning. 

The world feels a little different now.  I feel a little bit more paranoid, a little bit more causious, a little bit more sad.

This event occurred on the other side of the country from me.. and while I’m so grateful that it didn’t happen to me, I know that no one is immune to such tragedies. 

It could happen to anyone, anywhere.

I have a family, a daughter.. and knowing it could happen anywhere scares me the most.

I was 20 when 9/11 occurred.  It rocked me to my core, but never affected me as badly as Sandy Hook, or this..

At 20, I didn’t have a family of my own to protect.. I was single.. the world was still big and for the taking.. I still like what happened during 9/11 happened “over there” and I’m lucky to live “over here.”  I was saddened, and while the world changed overnight that time, I still didn’t “connect” to the impact it had.

But these new tragedies happened in my 30s.. these new tragedies happened at a time where I’m more mature and my outlook on life has changed so much.  These new tragedies connected…

I’m waking up to this world that was once again rocked by violence and loss.  I’m saddened and scared by these events. 

I pray for all those affected.  I pray for the recoveries of the injured.  I pray for the souls of the lost.  I pray for the emotional state of all involved. 

I pray for Boston.

I pray for the world.

Ever since becoming a mommy, I’ve noticed that I see the world differently.

It started when I tested “postive” on my pregnancy test.

Suddenly, all the news stories involving babies and children seemed to take a whole new meaning.. I feel a deeper sympathy with some mothers on the news because I couldn’t imagine dealing with the certain heartache they experience when it comes to their children. 

My day-to-day outlook on life took on a whole new meaning as well.

I think about MY safety just as much as I think of Little M’s safety because I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Little M without a mother if something should happen..

Storylines on television shows make me tear up a little more when it involves family.  For instance, a child growing up and moving away from the family home.

I was crying the other night to Hubby saying, “Oh my gosh, Little M is going to grow up and do the exact same thing!”

Ok, granted, we have years and years before that happens, but I know each day that passes by is a day we get closer to her being a grown up.

So maybe I’m a bit dramatic, but I can’t help it..

How did your outlook on life change when you became a parent?

Dearest Little M,

One year ago, your daddy and I welcomed you into the world.  It was 8 months in the making, you came early.

We loved you from the second you were a positive line on the birth control test.  Every bout of nausea, every minute of carsickness and every chicken nugget was worth seeing you come out healthy despite of your “late pre-term” status.

Now you are this walking, talking, mimicing, laughing, singing, tv watching, bundle of energy that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

You’ve grown up so fast in this past year, from this helpless little newborn, to the independent little girl I see right now.

It’s been a dream of mine to always be a mother, and you made that dream come true for me.

I love you so very much, Buggy boo.

Stay happy, healthy and full of spunk!

Love you always,
Mommy & Daddy

Anillos de Matrimonio, Aros de Matrimonio

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Today is my last day of work.. then I’m off for the rest of the week.. and the entire next week..

I’ve been keeping busy all day at work.. trying to make the week go faster.. and slower… at the same time..

Going to work is fine.. it’s keeping me sane for the beginning of this week before I fully submerge myself into 100% wedding stuff.. so I’ve been good keeping busy with work related stuff..

But tomorrow is going to be HECTIC!!  I’ve gotta spend the morning doing laundry because I have to pack for the honeymoon.. finalizing a wedding.. AND packing for the honeymoon.. gonna put my multitasking skills to the test..

I’ve never considered myself a person that works well under pressure.. I’ve always made sure that I get things done far ahead of time to ensure that I don’t have a lot of pressure on me to finish.. but this is different.. there were a lot of things that HAD to wait til last minute.. so I’m definitely feeling the pressure..

Just four more days.. then the madness of a wedding will be over.. and the madness of a marriage begins..

That’s exicting!

A week from today.. at this very moment.. I’ll be on a plane to Hawaii!!  Honeymoon!

It’s crunch time.. I have two days of work this week.. then I’m off for a week and a half..

The feeling of getting married still hasn’t hit me as I’m expecting it to.. there are too many things to get done..

I can’t believe there are six days left.. I’m working on the place cards.. it’s not too bad.. Joe’s wrapping up the gifts to give to the people involved in the wedding.. I have to go back and make cards for all of them.. I don’t anticipate the place cards to take more than a day to finish.. I just gotta keep focused..

The last huge task is to get those programs done.. I hope my bestie and I can find sometime to get together and get those done..

Six days til the wedding.. seven days til I’m living it up on the beaches of Hawaii with my husband.. eek.. I’m gonna have a husband!

Tomorrow will be one week.

Eight days..

That’s all I have left to get everything done. 

Bridesmaids and all involved are getting bombarded with emails, phone calls, and text messages.. information is flying out of my hands so fast.. it’s hard to remember if I told the right people the right bits of info..

The stress level is definitely up.. and no matter how much I try to relax.. it’s impossible..

My mind races at a billion miles a minute.. thoughts are darting all over the place..

All of you marrieds have been there..

I’m excited..

Knowing that I have been blessed with someone I will be spending the rest of my life with.. someone that I will start a family with.. it’s such a big concept to me to wrap my head around.. marriage. 

I’m truly blessed.. he’s been super extra cooperative this week and I couldn’t be happier..

Eight days, ppl… eight days.

The paranoia begins..

A few days ago, I text Joe “Hun, you better show up to the wedding.”

I’m getting the sudden irrational fears that he won’t show up.

I know he loves me.. he wouldn’t have asked to marry him otherwise.. but sometimes I freak out that my “bridezilla” behavior may have turned him off to the prospect of spending the rest of his life with me..

But then again.. I really haven’t been THAT bad lately.. or have I?

Anyway.. he keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry about.. and that he will definitely show up..

Well.. with the amount of money that we are spending.. he better show up!

There are certain songs that you can hear.. and know they just make you feel good.. I was thinking of some this morning as I woke suffering with “a case of the mondays..”  You know.. Office Space.. love that movie..

Nothing particular really came to mind until I came into work.. when all of a sudden Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” starting playing in loop over and over in my head..

There it is.. my cheesy feel good song of the day.. maybe it has a lot to do with the fact that yesterday marks the one year anniversary of… meeting my boyfriend.. and watching Norbit.. lol.. stupid movie!

Anyway.. here are the lyrics.. and I hope that it makes you “cheesy feel good” as well..

Well you’ve done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I’m trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I’ll be giving it my bestest
Nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon its again my turn to win some or learn some

I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I’m yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment, people dance and sing we’re just one big family
It’s our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

Do you want to, come on, scootch over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I’ve been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I’ll be saying is there ain’t no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It’s what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find that the sky is yours
so please don’t please don’t please don’t.
There’s no need to complicate
’cause our time is short
This oh this oh this is our fate I’m yours

Oh I’m yours

I won’t hesitate no more
Oh no more no more no more
It’s our God-forsaken right to be loved, I’m sure
Theres no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

No I won’t hesitate no more, no more
This cannot wait I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours, I’m yours

I’d like to take a moment to interupt the “Random Factoid” series.. you may see me do this once in awhile.. only because I probably found something interesting to blog about that needed immediate attention.

This is one of those instances.. well.. maybe it doesn’t need IMMEDIATE attention.. but it’s a nice change from the series..

So.. I forgot to make mention of how my high school reunion went.. and I’d like to do so now..

The venue was nice and small.. perfect size for the amount of people that had showed up.. which wasn’t many.. surprisingly..  I mean.. we had several hundred members of our graduating class.. and I think we only had a hundred.. if less.. show up.

It was interesting seeing all the people again.  I wasn’t one of the popular girls.  I wasn’t a cheerleader.  I wasn’t Homecoming Queen.  I wasn’t known by everyone.  I was just me.  I had my close set of girlfriends and we all still keep in touch.  It wasn’t like I was there to reconnect with people I lost touch with.. because the people that mattered the most were still in my life.

Everyone pretty much looked the same.  Ten years older.. and a little heavier.  I guess that’s what ten years does.. people get married.. they have babies.. and they settle.. that’s the way life goes..

I got to talk to some people that actually remembered me.. even though I had no clue who they were.. it was nice to know  that I was actually remembered.. so that was nice.

Overall.. it was an interesting experience.. it made me feel good about myself and how much I have accomplished over the years.. and selfishly..  I was really glad I hadn’t gained as much weight as most of the class did.. but that’s just me and my fear of weight gain.. which we will get to when I continue to chug down the trail of my blog series.. “Random Factoid..”

How’s that for a plug?!?!

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July 2020