Living life in the carpool lane..

Posts Tagged ‘emotions

Yesterday, I finally started blogging again after a good month off. A lot of it had to do with the pregnancy emergency I had at the beginning of July.

After it happened, I felt depressed. I felt helpless. I felt sad. I was scared something could happen to the baby. I was sad that I was confined to the couch or bed all day. I was frustrated that I couldn’t take care of M like I’m supposed to. I was mad at myself for having these issues. I was worried. Most of all, I was guilty for not being the proper mother I needed to be for M.

I was just a bundle if a wide range of emotions. I wanted to blog. I needed the outlet for everything I was feeling. I just couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t figure out to say everything I was feeling.

I needed to take the time to really sort everything out. I was a roller coaster of feelings. I would cry for the smallest reasons. I would get angry over insignificant things. It was probably hormones on top of everything else, but I needed to get control of it again.

I focused on M. She needed me to be the mommy she needs. True, I couldn’t chase after her, or carry her. But she still needed me. I focused on taking care of her to the best of my abilities.

Slowly, I’ve been pulling myself out of the funk. I still have episodes of helplessness. I still cry. But I know it won’t go away completely, especially with all the pregnancy hormones.

I’m better now. I’ve accepted that this is my life right now.

I’ve sorted things out emotionally and I feel like I can write again.

I apologize for suddenly abandoning the blog without any notice. I thank you all for your patience and hope you continue reading.

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I have to admit, there’s a lot going on right now..

Work is just taking all my time away during the day.  Then home life is just as hectic.

On top of trying to keep from drowning in laundry, there’s a little person I have to make sure doesn’t bonk her head on any and every hard surface there is in our apartment.  On top of that, I have to make sure she eats.  On top of that, I have to make sure the Hubby eats.  On top of that, we’ve been doing a massive reorganization of the apartment.  On top of that, I’ve got a craft blog to keep up.  On top of that, I’ve got several projects for a friend’s wedding I need to finish.

Isn’t life great?!

I know when things get hectic like this, something has to give.  But what?

With all that’s going on, I feel like the blog is suffering.  The stories are few.  I’m just trying to keep my head above water. 

I told myself that when I started this blog I wouldn’t fill it with useless complaints.  I told myself I wouldn’t make this blog all “woe is me” and “my life sucks,” because I know very well that it doesn’t.  We just go through ups and downs.  We just occasionally find ourselves in a funk, but what’s so great about it is that it’s only temporary. 

Well, I’m definitely going through a funk right now.  I’m desperate for a career change.  I seriously can’t see myself doing this for the rest of my life anymore.  Maybe it’s the burn out, maybe it’s a real longing for change.  I don’t know.  All I know is, I’m not 100% happy with where my career is right now. 

But I’ll give it time.

It’s just a funk.

I’m working on pushing my way out of it.  Maybe that’s why I’ve been so desperate to get this apartment reorganization done.  Making change that will actually get accomplished will make me feel so productive.  I need to know I can make a change happen, even if its as simple as an apartment reorganization.

If you see the blog suffer a bit, let me know.  If you find that the posts are starting to become more pessimistic, let me know. 

If there is anything you ever wish to have me discuss, review, or try… let me know.

I promise to keep my complaining to a minimum..


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