Living life in the carpool lane..

Posts Tagged ‘co-sleeping

We co-sleep with M.  I am not ashamed.  I just hate that I always feel like I have to justify it every time someone finds out about it.  There is this particular look I get from people when the find out that M sleeps with us.  It’s this look of, “oh you’re one of THOSE parents…”  Yes.  I’m one of THOSE.

Last week, I was talking with someone about how tired I was because M didn’t fall asleep until midnight and then decided to wake up at 4am.

Person:  So she crawls out of her crib?
Me:  Oh no.  She sleeps with us.

:::THE LOOK:::

Me:  I love it.  I totally works for us.  We all sleep better.  She’s my little cuddle buddy…

I proceeded to go on and on and on about how it’s probably my fault because I’m so attached.. blah blah blah.

I don’t know why I do that every time! 

We co-sleep and I don’t have to explain myself. 

Person:  Aren’t you trying for another one?
Me:  Yes, we find ways.  She also has her toddler bed next to us.  We have other rooms in our apartment.

More justifications spilled out of my mouth.

There are plenty of mothers I know that allow their child into their beds at night.  It’s just not public knowlege.  I don’t know why it’s looked down upon. 

When M was first born, we tried to put her in the bassinet next to us.  It just didn’t work.  With the feedings every few hours, she was constantly back in our bed.  When her feedings were less frequent, we still tried to have her in the bassinet next to us.  I couldn’t sleep.  M would get fussy.  She would end up in our bed.

I finally made the decision to just keep her in the bed.  We both were able to start sleeping through the night.  Things just got comfortable and natural.  It was what worked best for us. 

Yes, two years later, she’s still in our bed.  But I still don’t mind.  There are nights when she does sleep in her toddler bed that is right next to ours.  I also know that she’s only going to be this little once in her life.  We’re still bonding.  She still needs me.  She still looks to me for comfort.  She still smiles so big when she realizes I’m still there when she wakes up.  I know that these moments are limited, I have to make the most of it. 

Yes.  We co-sleep.  And from now on, I’m no longer going to justify it.  It is what it is.  That “look” I get isn’t going to intimidate me into trying to explain myself anymore. 

Everyone has a different parenting style.  Respect mine.

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Everyone knows that we co-sleep with Little M.

I love it, she loves it.. it’s the greatest feeling in the world to wake up with your little one snuggled up against you..

Anyway.. Little M has a new habit during the night..well.. several new habits..

First.. she’s seriously ALL OVER THE PLACE while she sleeps.. I wake up in the middle of the night to find a foot in my face.. she moves around that much..

Second.. she seems to check on me during the night.. it’s the wierdest thing..

She tosses and turns.. which wakes me up to look at her.. then.. she rolls onto her stomach, wakes up.. looks at me.. turns and snuggles into my arms and then falls asleep.

She’s done this for the past three or so nights.. it’s the cutest thing..

It’s almost like she’s making sure that I’m still there with her during the dark night.. and I love how every time she falls back asleep she always makes sure she’s nestled up next to me..

The first few times she woke up I was afraid she was going to stay awake.. but no.. she was just checking up on mommy..

It’s so cute that it’s worth those few minutes of sleep I lose to make sure she’s ok during the night..

So, I’ve been back at work for about five months or so now..

And I have to tell you that leaving my nice warm bed with my comfy, cozy Little M snuggled up next to me does NOT get easier with time..

In fact, I think it’s getting harder and harder..

Yesterday morning, I woke up to a sense of someone leaning on my shoulder.  I open my eyes and there’s Little M’s wide awake face staring intently at my sleepy face.

She had the biggest smile when she saw me wake up.. like she was waiting to see how long it took for me to realize she was watching me..

It’s those moments on the weekend that I look forward to the most.  The older she gets, the more aware she is, and that makes her so much more fun to wake up with.

I think that’s also what makes it so much harder for me to leave her every morning during the week..

It makes me sad that we don’t get those little “waking up” moments everyday.. and to think that she has to wake up without me in the morning is heartbreaking.  I’m sure for her she doesn’t quite understand.. she just wakes up.. sometimes mommy is there and sometimes she isn’t.. and that’s the consolation I get.. it doesn’t affect her as much as it affects me..

I know that it’s supposed to make my weekends even more special.. and yadda yadda blah blah blah.. but is that really necessary?  It doesn’t make me feel better..

Last night, Little M fell asleep with her hand on my face.

It was the cutest thing.  She was squirming around trying to find her “comfy” spot in the bed and once her hand found my face, she relaxed and went off to dreamland.

It was so sweet and reminded me that I am truly a mother.  There is a person in this world that finds absolute comfort in my presence.  There is a person in this world really loves me and looks at me with eyes full of love and happiness.

Last night was really cute and I’m so glad that I get these special moments with my Little M.

For the past few days, we have not been able to put Little M down when she goes to sleep.  Every time she did, she would just squirm herself awake, and the start crying..

Lately, she’s loved being put down while she’s awake.. but she never wanted it when she slept.  That’s made it very difficult to do anything while alone at home.  That’s why I haven’t really written any posts here lately.  It’s hard to type things one-handed.

Tonight, after her bath, she ate and just knocked out.  For some reason, she kept stretching backward like she wanted to be put down… so.. I did!

And voila!

She’s been lying down on the floor on blankets ever since.  Granted, I can’t go too far away because she seems to startle easily and I have to come in close and pat her back to sleep.. but she’s still there!

I’m hoping it’s a start to getting her to start sleeping in her own space instead of sleeping on my chest every night and every nap..

My only worry is when she’s in her sleeper at night, that I’m not close enough to comfort her when she startles herself awake.  I think we are going to have to sleep on the floor in the living room for awhile so I can be close enough to comfort her back to sleep when she startles at night..

At this point, I’m just glad she was able to go down right now.  We’ll take it one sleep at a time.. hopefully she gets used to lying down again..


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May 2020