Living life in the carpool lane..

Archive for the ‘In all seriousness..’ Category

Untitled

When I was recently diagnosed with nodes on my vocal cords, the first thought that came to mind was the movie, Pitch Perfect.

When I told Hubby that I had nodes via text, I added a gif from Pitch Perfect about nodes.  He responded with “when you recover from surgery, will you be able to hit those super low notes?”

We couldn’t help but laugh at the situation.  But no, I do NOT want surgery.

My mother had nodes.  Her’s were beyond physical therapy and she needed surgery.  The recovery process required 2 weeks of not being able to talk.  No talking AT ALL!  She had to walk around with one of those magnet doodle boards just so she could tell us what to do.

Could you imagine me not being able to talk for two weeks with two little kids around?

There’s no way I could allow these nodes to get to the point of surgery.

By the Grace of God, I was able to catch them early.  The ENT physician’s assisant told me that my nodes were just forming and that with some speech therapy and working on changing some bad vocal habits, I’d be able to soften them up to get them to shrink again.

Although these nodes are at their very early stages, they have greatly affected my ability to sing.  My higher register is almost non-existent.  On bad days, I can barely even get my talking voice to work at a higher sound.  Singing at Church just gets so frustrating because I love to sing along, but sound so terrible as my voice cuts in and out.  Or there are times that I sound like I’m going through puberty.

It’s very frustrating and disheartening.

Talking all day can make my voice just feel so tired.  Being a home with a 4yo and a 1yo, I have to talk.

Now I need to learn how to talk again.  I need to learn how to redirect my voice so that it doesn’t put so much strain on my vocal cords.  It’s almost like I need to talk like I’m singing.  It’s hard to explain, but that’s almost how I feel like I need to talk.

I’ll be going to speech therapy for four sessions, one every other week.  I’ll be practicing what I learn at home and concentrating on changing my vocal habits.

I’ve discussed with M my condition.  I explained that I can’t talk over her as much as before and that we need to work together so that I don’t have to explain things to her over and over again.  She loves to cooperate when you tell her we are “working together” so she is understanding that she needs to listen to me the first time.

I’m always so used to talking loudly, or raising my voice, when I get upset and it’s a hard habit to break.  However, I know it’s important I follow doctor’s orders, so I’m making a conscious effort to not get so angry to the point that I raise my voice.

Eventually, I do hope to get my higher singing register back.  I do hope that I can get my vocal chords back into good shape.  I would love to sing for a Church choir again.  I would love to get more involved with Religious Education and teach again.  I would love to just have a normal voice again.

All in God’s time and I do hope that at my next ENT appointment, we will see some improvement

 

Yesterday, I finally started blogging again after a good month off. A lot of it had to do with the pregnancy emergency I had at the beginning of July.

After it happened, I felt depressed. I felt helpless. I felt sad. I was scared something could happen to the baby. I was sad that I was confined to the couch or bed all day. I was frustrated that I couldn’t take care of M like I’m supposed to. I was mad at myself for having these issues. I was worried. Most of all, I was guilty for not being the proper mother I needed to be for M.

I was just a bundle if a wide range of emotions. I wanted to blog. I needed the outlet for everything I was feeling. I just couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t figure out to say everything I was feeling.

I needed to take the time to really sort everything out. I was a roller coaster of feelings. I would cry for the smallest reasons. I would get angry over insignificant things. It was probably hormones on top of everything else, but I needed to get control of it again.

I focused on M. She needed me to be the mommy she needs. True, I couldn’t chase after her, or carry her. But she still needed me. I focused on taking care of her to the best of my abilities.

Slowly, I’ve been pulling myself out of the funk. I still have episodes of helplessness. I still cry. But I know it won’t go away completely, especially with all the pregnancy hormones.

I’m better now. I’ve accepted that this is my life right now.

I’ve sorted things out emotionally and I feel like I can write again.

I apologize for suddenly abandoning the blog without any notice. I thank you all for your patience and hope you continue reading.

Last week, San Diego was on fire…

It started on Monday or Tuesday.  That was the Bernardo fire, and that was the particular fire that got us the most worried as it was the fire that was closest to us.

For most of the night we were on alert.  Had the winds moved the fire in the other direction, we would have definitely been evacuated.  By the grace of God, the firefighters and the winds were able to keep the fire going away from homes and opposite of our direction.  While we were worried, we knew we would be safe.

The next day, the firestorm started.  I believe at it’s peak, there were about 9 fires simultaneously burning.

Thank God, none of them were near our apartment.

However, my afterwork commute was in for a treat as I found myself stuck on a freeway that had to be closed because fires had erupted on the sides of the freeway lanes.  I believe they called this fire the Highway fire.  I left work around 3pm and didn’t get home around 5pm.  What’s usually a 45 minute commute turned into 2 hours!  It didn’t help that it was 103 degrees outside, so even if I wanted to turn my car engine off, I couldn’t because I would have roasted for sure!

Thursday night, we drove up to my parents house which is an hour and half north of San Diego.  We had this planned for awhile, so we weren’t evacuating because of the fire, but it was great timing anyway.  Because we didn’t know if any other fires would come, or if one of the fires suddenly decided to head in our direction, we took some of our most valuable documents and items with us.

As the fires burned, the smoke drifted.  By Friday, my workplace, which I mentioned was 45 minutes way, north, of the San Diego fires, was blanketed by a cloud of smoke and there was ash sprinkling down.  I had my car windows opened a crack while I was at work and when I came into the car at the end of the day, there was a sprinkling of ash on the car seats..

The air quality hasn’t been great, and I think it’s starting to affect M a little bit.  She’s been battling some allergies and asthma symptoms since this weekend.. I’m hoping the winds pick up once the fires are out completely and we can clean up our air.

This was my first San Diego fire storm.  While I know it’s not going to be our last, I now know what to do, what to bring, and how to act.

Thank God for those brave firefighters!

 

(Don’t forget to click these badges to rate my blog and vote for me. All you need to do is click!)
Visit Top Mommy Blogs To Vote For Me Rate My Blog @ Top Mommy Blogs

I’ve been mopey lately.  I’m not sure why..

Maybe it’s the failed pregnancy attempts (2, so far, but still makes me sad)…

Maybe it’s the lack of caffiene in my system (quit drinking regularly since January)…

If you’ve been a regular reader of my blog, you know I get this way sometimes.  Who doesn’t, right?

The best way I’ve found to deal with it is to always acknowlege it.  I never try to just ignore it.  It’s actually pretty hard to ignore. 

I have to face the fact that I’m feeling down. 

Then, once I’ve acknowleged it, I figure out why and how I can overcome it.

Right now, I feel stagnant.  I feel unproductive at work.  I feel like I could be doing much better things with my time.  I could be with M.  I could be mothering her instead of sitting in a cubicle all day. 

I want to find different ways to make money.  I want to be a work-from-home mom.  I want to be able to spend time with my daughter.

I’m struggling with the balance of home and work.  I feel like I don’t have the time to dedicate to my home life because work life takes over.

I wish I was better at meal planning and grocery shopping, but I feel like work gets in the way.

I admire the working moms that seem to have it all together.  They can come home from a full days work, prepare a great meal, get the home ready, and then be a mom.. I feel like I’ve struggled with this since I came back to work back in 2012.. I still can’t balance it all.  It makes me sad and frustrated.

I feel like I could be a better person if I could concentrate on just one thing.

Being a wife/mom without the work. 

Some days are better than others.  Somedays I feel like superwoman and I can tackle it all.  Other days, like these, I feel overwhelmed and mopey.

So now that I know why I feel this way, how do I fix it?

I’ve been working on finding ways to make money from the home.  That’s my crafting and cardmaking, but I’m also thinking of other avenues..  I’ve been figuring out ways to expand this blog.  Maybe more product reviews, getting more exposure, writing better entries. 

I know I’m not the only mother that deals with this.. and I know this feeling isn’t going to last forever. 

I just need to find my “pick-me-up.”

Rate My Blog @ Top Mommy Blogs Visit Top Mommy Blogs To Vote For Me

I have to admit, there’s a lot going on right now..

Work is just taking all my time away during the day.  Then home life is just as hectic.

On top of trying to keep from drowning in laundry, there’s a little person I have to make sure doesn’t bonk her head on any and every hard surface there is in our apartment.  On top of that, I have to make sure she eats.  On top of that, I have to make sure the Hubby eats.  On top of that, we’ve been doing a massive reorganization of the apartment.  On top of that, I’ve got a craft blog to keep up.  On top of that, I’ve got several projects for a friend’s wedding I need to finish.

Isn’t life great?!

I know when things get hectic like this, something has to give.  But what?

With all that’s going on, I feel like the blog is suffering.  The stories are few.  I’m just trying to keep my head above water. 

I told myself that when I started this blog I wouldn’t fill it with useless complaints.  I told myself I wouldn’t make this blog all “woe is me” and “my life sucks,” because I know very well that it doesn’t.  We just go through ups and downs.  We just occasionally find ourselves in a funk, but what’s so great about it is that it’s only temporary. 

Well, I’m definitely going through a funk right now.  I’m desperate for a career change.  I seriously can’t see myself doing this for the rest of my life anymore.  Maybe it’s the burn out, maybe it’s a real longing for change.  I don’t know.  All I know is, I’m not 100% happy with where my career is right now. 

But I’ll give it time.

It’s just a funk.

I’m working on pushing my way out of it.  Maybe that’s why I’ve been so desperate to get this apartment reorganization done.  Making change that will actually get accomplished will make me feel so productive.  I need to know I can make a change happen, even if its as simple as an apartment reorganization.

If you see the blog suffer a bit, let me know.  If you find that the posts are starting to become more pessimistic, let me know. 

If there is anything you ever wish to have me discuss, review, or try… let me know.

I promise to keep my complaining to a minimum..

Friend and fellow blog author of “Bored In Bloomington,” Monica, left a comment on yesterday’s blog entry about my writers block.

She was inspired by photo challenges found all over Instagram and decided to create her own, which I participate in. 

Yesterday’s photo was “inspiration” and she told me to blog about it today, and include the picture.

How’s that for a cure to writer’s block?!  AWESOME!

Untitled

Work, home and lots of coffee.. that’s what keeps me inspired.

These three things keep my blog inspired and keep my life inspired. It’s the day-to-day grind that we seem to take for granted. We seem to take for granted what we do from day-to-day. We forget the details of the everyday.

I’ve learned to take inspiration from the mundane. Especially, with this now being a daily blog, I have learned to cherish the minor details of a day and turn it into something worth reading about.

Once I became a parent, and saw how quickly life goes, and how quickly a child grows, I learned to cherish the small things, and pull inspiration from it all. Her words, her smiles, her actions, her daily growth and development, it’s all inspiring in it’s very little way. It’s certainly fueled much of this blog, as you can tell..

My family life, my husband, who’s words can inspire entire blog postings.. he also inspires me, not only in blog, but in life..

What inspires you?

Time is ticking away.. before I know it.. I will no longer be a Miss V.. but a Mrs. Q.

That’s insane..

I’ve been so busy with all the little details that the whole scope of the situation has been lost in the chaos..

What does that actually mean to me.. marriage..

It’s a life-altering concept to grasp.. have I even grasped it yet?

I guess I have.. this wedding is a pretty obvious indication that I’m entering a marriage..

But a marriage is PERMANENT.. I’ve never had anything PERMANENT before..

Marriage is a life-time commitment.. marriage is a never-ending journey with one person.. you have to work and fight for the relationship.. everyday is a mini-challenge.. it’s through sickness and health.. richer or poorer.. and all those vows in between..

Marriage has been trivialized by celebrities and reality TV that it’s so hard to really sit on the idea of “marriage.”

What were your thoughts on “marriage” as you prepared for your wedding?

They say that the first step to recovery is admission.. well.. here is my first step:

I am a caffeine addict.

Ok.. so that may not be news to most people that know me.. everyone that knows me pretty much knows that coffee runs through my veins.

I’ve been on a slow ween from coffee for a week or two.. the plan was to have it be a slooooow withdrawl..

I’ve been in San Diego this weekend and didn’t have coffee at all on Saturday.  I didn’t feel it though (surprisingly!) because we were so busy doing wedding stuff and meandering around San Diego that the withdrawl symptoms didn’t hit me..

So.. I figured I could survive the whole weekend without the coffee..

WRONG.. by mid-day Sunday.. I was dying… after Mass I practically begged my fiance to take me to a Starbucks..

My mistake was to buy a tall-sized Java Chip Lite.. I thought that small caffeine fix would be enough for me to get by..

WRONG again!  The advil I took is FINALLY kicking in after suffering a good chunk of my afternoon with a major tension headache right behind my eyes.. for awhile I thought I was suffering from a migrane.. but after thinking it through.. I really think that it’s the lack of caffeine I’ve had all weekend..

Rachie.. we have a problem..

I think it’s time that I take this caffeine thing seriously and really try to get over this addiction.. I cannot have my daily activities hindered by this withdrawl symptoms.. that’s ridiculous..

So.. on top of my “weening” technique.. and short of just going “cold turkey” does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get over this whole coffee thing?!

It’s Thanksgiving day.. it’s usually a time for everyone to acknowledge everything that they are thankful for.

Me?

Well.. I’m especially thankful for the awesome God that has been in my life since day one.  He has given me so many blessings and shown me how strong of a person I really am.  He never gives me anything I cannot handle, and because of that I have learned of the many strengths I have, thanks to Him.

My life would be nothing without Him.  I would have nothing without Him.

I am thankful for my wonderful parents and my wonderful family.. immediate and extended.. who have been nothing but supportive in everything..

I’m thankful that my brief period of unemployment was exactly that.. brief.  I’m thankful that I was able to find a job within a month after quitting my new one.  I’m thankful that I will be starting on Monday.. it’s going to be a new adventure.. and I can’t wait!

I’m thankful for all the wonderful friends I have.. they are a source of happiness and laughs.. I cherish the times I can spend with them.. and hope for many more years of friendship!

I’m thankful for my wonderful boyfriend, who has been absolutely supportive in everything I have done.. who believes in teamwork.. and helps me carry any burden I have gone through.. he’s become such a strong rock of support in my life and I cherish every moment we can spend together.  I’m thankful for having him in my life.. even though he can drive me batty at times.. hahaha..

There are many things I am thankful for.. but I’m sure that if I list them all this blog entry would never end!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

So.. the month of November is coming and going so fast..

I know I haven’t been around much to blog.. but there has been a lot to blog about..

To summarize.. we all know I started a job in September.. I left the job in October.. and am now waiting for the start date to a new job in November..

It’s actually a great testament to my trust in God.. and how I know He’s never given me anything I can’t handle.

I’ll expand more on the next few blog entries.. I feel that I should take my time and really explain what had been going on much more thoroughly than just one simple blog entry..

I’m looking forward to writing it all.. and I promise it won’t be a waste of time..


Follow on Bloglovin
Follow on Bloglovin

Blog Stats

  • 26,185 hits
July 2020
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031