Living life in the carpool lane..

Archive for the ‘In all seriousness..’ Category

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When I was recently diagnosed with nodes on my vocal cords, the first thought that came to mind was the movie, Pitch Perfect.

When I told Hubby that I had nodes via text, I added a gif from Pitch Perfect about nodes.  He responded with “when you recover from surgery, will you be able to hit those super low notes?”

We couldn’t help but laugh at the situation.  But no, I do NOT want surgery.

My mother had nodes.  Her’s were beyond physical therapy and she needed surgery.  The recovery process required 2 weeks of not being able to talk.  No talking AT ALL!  She had to walk around with one of those magnet doodle boards just so she could tell us what to do.

Could you imagine me not being able to talk for two weeks with two little kids around?

There’s no way I could allow these nodes to get to the point of surgery.

By the Grace of God, I was able to catch them early.  The ENT physician’s assisant told me that my nodes were just forming and that with some speech therapy and working on changing some bad vocal habits, I’d be able to soften them up to get them to shrink again.

Although these nodes are at their very early stages, they have greatly affected my ability to sing.  My higher register is almost non-existent.  On bad days, I can barely even get my talking voice to work at a higher sound.  Singing at Church just gets so frustrating because I love to sing along, but sound so terrible as my voice cuts in and out.  Or there are times that I sound like I’m going through puberty.

It’s very frustrating and disheartening.

Talking all day can make my voice just feel so tired.  Being a home with a 4yo and a 1yo, I have to talk.

Now I need to learn how to talk again.  I need to learn how to redirect my voice so that it doesn’t put so much strain on my vocal cords.  It’s almost like I need to talk like I’m singing.  It’s hard to explain, but that’s almost how I feel like I need to talk.

I’ll be going to speech therapy for four sessions, one every other week.  I’ll be practicing what I learn at home and concentrating on changing my vocal habits.

I’ve discussed with M my condition.  I explained that I can’t talk over her as much as before and that we need to work together so that I don’t have to explain things to her over and over again.  She loves to cooperate when you tell her we are “working together” so she is understanding that she needs to listen to me the first time.

I’m always so used to talking loudly, or raising my voice, when I get upset and it’s a hard habit to break.  However, I know it’s important I follow doctor’s orders, so I’m making a conscious effort to not get so angry to the point that I raise my voice.

Eventually, I do hope to get my higher singing register back.  I do hope that I can get my vocal chords back into good shape.  I would love to sing for a Church choir again.  I would love to get more involved with Religious Education and teach again.  I would love to just have a normal voice again.

All in God’s time and I do hope that at my next ENT appointment, we will see some improvement

 

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Yesterday, I finally started blogging again after a good month off. A lot of it had to do with the pregnancy emergency I had at the beginning of July.

After it happened, I felt depressed. I felt helpless. I felt sad. I was scared something could happen to the baby. I was sad that I was confined to the couch or bed all day. I was frustrated that I couldn’t take care of M like I’m supposed to. I was mad at myself for having these issues. I was worried. Most of all, I was guilty for not being the proper mother I needed to be for M.

I was just a bundle if a wide range of emotions. I wanted to blog. I needed the outlet for everything I was feeling. I just couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t figure out to say everything I was feeling.

I needed to take the time to really sort everything out. I was a roller coaster of feelings. I would cry for the smallest reasons. I would get angry over insignificant things. It was probably hormones on top of everything else, but I needed to get control of it again.

I focused on M. She needed me to be the mommy she needs. True, I couldn’t chase after her, or carry her. But she still needed me. I focused on taking care of her to the best of my abilities.

Slowly, I’ve been pulling myself out of the funk. I still have episodes of helplessness. I still cry. But I know it won’t go away completely, especially with all the pregnancy hormones.

I’m better now. I’ve accepted that this is my life right now.

I’ve sorted things out emotionally and I feel like I can write again.

I apologize for suddenly abandoning the blog without any notice. I thank you all for your patience and hope you continue reading.

Last week, San Diego was on fire…

It started on Monday or Tuesday.  That was the Bernardo fire, and that was the particular fire that got us the most worried as it was the fire that was closest to us.

For most of the night we were on alert.  Had the winds moved the fire in the other direction, we would have definitely been evacuated.  By the grace of God, the firefighters and the winds were able to keep the fire going away from homes and opposite of our direction.  While we were worried, we knew we would be safe.

The next day, the firestorm started.  I believe at it’s peak, there were about 9 fires simultaneously burning.

Thank God, none of them were near our apartment.

However, my afterwork commute was in for a treat as I found myself stuck on a freeway that had to be closed because fires had erupted on the sides of the freeway lanes.  I believe they called this fire the Highway fire.  I left work around 3pm and didn’t get home around 5pm.  What’s usually a 45 minute commute turned into 2 hours!  It didn’t help that it was 103 degrees outside, so even if I wanted to turn my car engine off, I couldn’t because I would have roasted for sure!

Thursday night, we drove up to my parents house which is an hour and half north of San Diego.  We had this planned for awhile, so we weren’t evacuating because of the fire, but it was great timing anyway.  Because we didn’t know if any other fires would come, or if one of the fires suddenly decided to head in our direction, we took some of our most valuable documents and items with us.

As the fires burned, the smoke drifted.  By Friday, my workplace, which I mentioned was 45 minutes way, north, of the San Diego fires, was blanketed by a cloud of smoke and there was ash sprinkling down.  I had my car windows opened a crack while I was at work and when I came into the car at the end of the day, there was a sprinkling of ash on the car seats..

The air quality hasn’t been great, and I think it’s starting to affect M a little bit.  She’s been battling some allergies and asthma symptoms since this weekend.. I’m hoping the winds pick up once the fires are out completely and we can clean up our air.

This was my first San Diego fire storm.  While I know it’s not going to be our last, I now know what to do, what to bring, and how to act.

Thank God for those brave firefighters!

 

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I’ve been mopey lately.  I’m not sure why..

Maybe it’s the failed pregnancy attempts (2, so far, but still makes me sad)…

Maybe it’s the lack of caffiene in my system (quit drinking regularly since January)…

If you’ve been a regular reader of my blog, you know I get this way sometimes.  Who doesn’t, right?

The best way I’ve found to deal with it is to always acknowlege it.  I never try to just ignore it.  It’s actually pretty hard to ignore. 

I have to face the fact that I’m feeling down. 

Then, once I’ve acknowleged it, I figure out why and how I can overcome it.

Right now, I feel stagnant.  I feel unproductive at work.  I feel like I could be doing much better things with my time.  I could be with M.  I could be mothering her instead of sitting in a cubicle all day. 

I want to find different ways to make money.  I want to be a work-from-home mom.  I want to be able to spend time with my daughter.

I’m struggling with the balance of home and work.  I feel like I don’t have the time to dedicate to my home life because work life takes over.

I wish I was better at meal planning and grocery shopping, but I feel like work gets in the way.

I admire the working moms that seem to have it all together.  They can come home from a full days work, prepare a great meal, get the home ready, and then be a mom.. I feel like I’ve struggled with this since I came back to work back in 2012.. I still can’t balance it all.  It makes me sad and frustrated.

I feel like I could be a better person if I could concentrate on just one thing.

Being a wife/mom without the work. 

Some days are better than others.  Somedays I feel like superwoman and I can tackle it all.  Other days, like these, I feel overwhelmed and mopey.

So now that I know why I feel this way, how do I fix it?

I’ve been working on finding ways to make money from the home.  That’s my crafting and cardmaking, but I’m also thinking of other avenues..  I’ve been figuring out ways to expand this blog.  Maybe more product reviews, getting more exposure, writing better entries. 

I know I’m not the only mother that deals with this.. and I know this feeling isn’t going to last forever. 

I just need to find my “pick-me-up.”

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I have to admit, there’s a lot going on right now..

Work is just taking all my time away during the day.  Then home life is just as hectic.

On top of trying to keep from drowning in laundry, there’s a little person I have to make sure doesn’t bonk her head on any and every hard surface there is in our apartment.  On top of that, I have to make sure she eats.  On top of that, I have to make sure the Hubby eats.  On top of that, we’ve been doing a massive reorganization of the apartment.  On top of that, I’ve got a craft blog to keep up.  On top of that, I’ve got several projects for a friend’s wedding I need to finish.

Isn’t life great?!

I know when things get hectic like this, something has to give.  But what?

With all that’s going on, I feel like the blog is suffering.  The stories are few.  I’m just trying to keep my head above water. 

I told myself that when I started this blog I wouldn’t fill it with useless complaints.  I told myself I wouldn’t make this blog all “woe is me” and “my life sucks,” because I know very well that it doesn’t.  We just go through ups and downs.  We just occasionally find ourselves in a funk, but what’s so great about it is that it’s only temporary. 

Well, I’m definitely going through a funk right now.  I’m desperate for a career change.  I seriously can’t see myself doing this for the rest of my life anymore.  Maybe it’s the burn out, maybe it’s a real longing for change.  I don’t know.  All I know is, I’m not 100% happy with where my career is right now. 

But I’ll give it time.

It’s just a funk.

I’m working on pushing my way out of it.  Maybe that’s why I’ve been so desperate to get this apartment reorganization done.  Making change that will actually get accomplished will make me feel so productive.  I need to know I can make a change happen, even if its as simple as an apartment reorganization.

If you see the blog suffer a bit, let me know.  If you find that the posts are starting to become more pessimistic, let me know. 

If there is anything you ever wish to have me discuss, review, or try… let me know.

I promise to keep my complaining to a minimum..

Friend and fellow blog author of “Bored In Bloomington,” Monica, left a comment on yesterday’s blog entry about my writers block.

She was inspired by photo challenges found all over Instagram and decided to create her own, which I participate in. 

Yesterday’s photo was “inspiration” and she told me to blog about it today, and include the picture.

How’s that for a cure to writer’s block?!  AWESOME!

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Work, home and lots of coffee.. that’s what keeps me inspired.

These three things keep my blog inspired and keep my life inspired. It’s the day-to-day grind that we seem to take for granted. We seem to take for granted what we do from day-to-day. We forget the details of the everyday.

I’ve learned to take inspiration from the mundane. Especially, with this now being a daily blog, I have learned to cherish the minor details of a day and turn it into something worth reading about.

Once I became a parent, and saw how quickly life goes, and how quickly a child grows, I learned to cherish the small things, and pull inspiration from it all. Her words, her smiles, her actions, her daily growth and development, it’s all inspiring in it’s very little way. It’s certainly fueled much of this blog, as you can tell..

My family life, my husband, who’s words can inspire entire blog postings.. he also inspires me, not only in blog, but in life..

What inspires you?

Time is ticking away.. before I know it.. I will no longer be a Miss V.. but a Mrs. Q.

That’s insane..

I’ve been so busy with all the little details that the whole scope of the situation has been lost in the chaos..

What does that actually mean to me.. marriage..

It’s a life-altering concept to grasp.. have I even grasped it yet?

I guess I have.. this wedding is a pretty obvious indication that I’m entering a marriage..

But a marriage is PERMANENT.. I’ve never had anything PERMANENT before..

Marriage is a life-time commitment.. marriage is a never-ending journey with one person.. you have to work and fight for the relationship.. everyday is a mini-challenge.. it’s through sickness and health.. richer or poorer.. and all those vows in between..

Marriage has been trivialized by celebrities and reality TV that it’s so hard to really sit on the idea of “marriage.”

What were your thoughts on “marriage” as you prepared for your wedding?


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