Living life in the carpool lane..

In denial

Posted on: August 16, 2015

M starts preschool this week.

I’ve been trying so hard to avoid thinking about it, but I’ve got a parent meeting/orientation with the teacher tomorrow, so there is really no avoiding it.

I just can’t believe that my little girl is old enough for school.

Watching all the little babies around me, I’ve always felt that once the kid starts school, time flies at this crazy speed and before you know it, they are grown up.  I’ve seen it happen so many times before.

I don’t feel like I’m ready to accept that my little M is growing up.

I mean, I’m very happy for her.  I’m happy that she’s growing up.  I’m happy that she’s getting these opportunities to learn and grow. I’m happy to watch her blossom.

I just don’t want to let go of the “baby” in her.  I don’t want to let go of the “little” in her.

She looks up to me.  She seeks me out for cuddles.  She loves me and it shows.

As she gets older, things will change.  Hormones will take over.  We’ll fight.  We’ll disagree.  The hugs and the cuddles will slowly disappear.  She won’t be that little girl that calls me her ‘best friend.’  She won’t be that little girl that will just cover my face in sloppy kisses.  Those sloppy kisses will turn into hurried pecks on the cheek.  I’ll embarrass her.  Instead of hearing her sweet voice calling me “mommy,”  I’ll get exasperated and annoyed “mom!”

I’m not ready for that.

I’m not ready to let go of my baby.

I just feel like starting school is like opening the door to all these changes.

I’m just not ready.

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