Living life in the carpool lane..

Archive for February 2015

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Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L , M, N, O, P, Q, R , S

So I knew coming into this that becoming a parent of two kids was going to be hard.

I thought that it would take a few weeks of chaos, then everything will click and life will go back to normal..

Wrong… so very, very wrong..

It’s not that it’s hard, ok, it is hard.. but not because we can’t handle it.

Having M and figuring out how our lives functioned as a one-child family took some adjusting too, but in the end, we survived.  We figured out our roles, we figured out how to function.

It also helps that M is growing up and much easier to manage.

Getting out of the house with M is a breeze.  Bedtime with M is a well defined routine.  Meal time with M is a somewhat scheduled and easy.

We had everything under control.

Enter K, a newborn.  She has no routine.  She lives off her instincts.  She’s hungry when she’s hungry.  She’ll cry for reasons only she knows about.  She is the wrench that got jammed into our well-oiled machine… in the cutest possible way..

It makes life hard.

What I thought would be just a few weeks of adjustment is definitely not.  It’s going to take months, maybe even a years, before we find our groove again as a family.

I have to remember that it took us awhile to figure out how our groove when M came into our lives… I’m sure it will take just as long to figure it out with K…

In all honesty, as difficult and chaotic as I may be sounding lately, my family has never felt more whole..

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Read about my ABC blog series here.

Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L , M, N, O, P, Q, R

I’ve been home since July of last year when I was suddenly put on bedrest due to my subchrionic hemmorhage early in my pregnancy.

Now that I have the baby, the big question is whether or not I’m going to go back to work.

It’s been a subject that we have been discussing for awhile.

I’ve been away from work for about 8 months now.  It seems almost normal being a “stay at home mom.”

M has thrived so much since I started staying home.  Even if I was under limited capacity, M seemed to just love that I am around 24/7.

I can’t imagine going back anymore.  It just seems…. mean.

I hated being a working mom… I felt like I was just a part-time mom.  I missed out on a lot of the daytime with her, only seeing in the late afternoon and evening for dinner and bedtime.. It didn’t seem fair to her.  It didn’t seem fair to me.  I wanted to parent her, not anyone else.

I also couldn’t balance life.  Cooking, cleaning, laundry, parenting.. I couldn’t find the right balance.  Everything was a mess because all I wanted to do was be with M.

(Ok.. so things are STILL a mess around here.. but that’s because I have a newborn and I’m still figuring things out… the excuses just never end, do they?)

Millions of mothers CAN do the working mom thing and do it successfully.  I just felt like I couldn’t.  I felt chaotic.  I felt like I had no control.

Once I stayed home, it’s like my world suddenly made sense.  Ok, so I was on bedrest.  Ok, so I was very limited with what I could and could do.  Ok, so staying at home during my pregnancy seemed… easy.

Now, I’m staying at home with two kids.  It’s hectic.  It’s chaotic.  Sometimes I don’t shower.  Sometimes I forget to brush my teeth.  My hair is constantly a mess.  I wear the same clothes for several days until they smell so much like baby spit-up that I HAVE to change.  I have NO time to myself.  The only adults I talk to are Hubby and my parents.

Staying home seems so much harder than working…

But I want to stay… I want to stay home.

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Read about my ABC blog series here.

Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L , M, N, O, P, Q

Doctors, nurses and other mothers with more than one child always warned me that once K would arrive, M would regress.

They were right.

When K arrived, suddenly, she was interested in bottles.  She didn’t start drinking out of them, but she would occasionally try to put her mouth on them.

When K arrived, M suddenly wanted to be carried more.

M also started using baby talk and baby grunts to try to get what she wants.  That led to some frustration because neither of us knew what M wanted to communicate.  We told M she needed to use her words.  It fixed the problem, but every once and a while, M will still points, but it’s mostly a playing thing.

M’s potty training regressed almost to the point where she was completely dependent on diapers again.  Luckily we were able to fix this issue relatively quickly.

M’s regression issues have subsided, although there are times when she wants to be “baby’d” a bit.  I know it’s natural.

I just hope this is the full extent of it.  We are trying our best to help her adjustment to the new family dynamic as comfortable as possible.  I think we’re doing ok so far… I hope!

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Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L , M, N, O, P

During those quiet night time feedings, my mind likes to wander.  Sometimes it thinks of the strangest things, I think it’s because I’m half-asleep and maybe half-dreaming.  Other times, there are tons of different questions I think about..

  • When did M become a kid?
  • How did 7 weeks since I gave birth go by so fast?
  • Am I ever going to craft again?
  • How do I start my own craft-based business?
  • What can I create that will make people want to buy them?
  • Am I ever going to lose this baby weight?
  • Am I ever going to be able to hit 10,000 steps a day?
  • How did I become a mother of two awesome little girls?
  • How did I become a mother?!?!

These, and so many more, questions just run through my mind… I don’t know if I will ever find the answers.

At least these questions help me create personal goals to find the answers..

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Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L , M, N, O

We put in the preschool enrollment interest form earlier this month.

Yup.

We are planning on enrolling M in preschool to start in August.  She will be turning four shortly after she starts this preschool year…

We are planning on putting her in the part-time program which is three times a week for about 3 hours.

I knew this day was coming, I just feel like it has arrived waaaaaay too soon.

Before preschool starts, I’m planning on putting her in a once a week class at the local Gymboree.  It’s an hour long class without me.  It’s my way of easing her into classes where I won’t be around for her.

I know she will do fine, but I am sooo nervous about it.

Taking those classes would be the first time that she will be with someone that isn’t a family member.

Sigh.

She’s growing up.

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Read about my ABC blog series here.

Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L , M, N

When Hubby is home, it seems like I have everything under control.  Sure, K is crying.  Sure, M wants to go the potty.  But I have everything under control.  It’s like I have a system.

When Hubby is at work, it’s like the girls know I’m outnumbered.

Suddenly, K has a poopy diaper and the same time that M suddenly needs to go potty for the same reasons.

Suddenly, K is feeding and M wants a glass of water, or some yogurt, or something that she needs me to get up for.

Suddenly, I get some down time to cuddle with M, and K suddenly cries with the need to be picked up.

Outnumbered.  It’s like they know…

It’s like they have a plan to just spread me as thin as I have ever been spread before..

Honestly, I can handle running four or five different lab tests at work at the same time better than figuring out how to parent these two girls…

As difficult as I make it seem, I will never, ever, ever trade it for the world.  I’m exhausted.  I’m worn out.  My mind sometimes doesn’t work properly… But I’m loving every second of it.

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Read about my ABC blog series here.

Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L ,M

When I was compiling my list of topics that corresponded to the letters of the alphabet, I picked nursing for N because I was going to write about my love/hate relationship with it.  I love nursing K, but I hated the way my breasts always felt so sore and heavy.

But now, as I type up this blog entry, it’s about how my nursing days are most likely numbered…

This was the similar scenario I dealt with when I had M.

Because K came early, 36 weeks, my milk didn’t come in fast enough and her preemie status meant that they were watching her initial weight loss like a hawk.  K was also developing jaundice and they wanted her milk intake to be enough for her to pee and poop enough to get rid of the jaundice fast.  Because of all these factors, I had to supplement my breast milk with formula.

All went well, her jaundice passed, and she eventually started relying solely on my milk for her nourishment.

When she turned a month old, I noticed that she would take both breasts and still seem unsatisfied.  I started supplementing again with an ounce or two and she would feel so much better.  I also noticed that my breasts wouldn’t “fill up” as quickly, no matter how much I pumped in between or how much I let her nurse.  I know the doctors and nurses would tell me that pumping and allowing her to nurse would trigger my breasts to produce more milk, but it just wasn’t the case with me.

More and more I found her less satisfied with drinking solely my milk.  More and more I found myself supplementing with more and more formula.

I tried eating oatmeal.  I tried drinking more water.  I tried leafy veggies that were on my list for increasing milk production.  I tried soups.

Nothing.  Nothing would increase my milk supply.  K was getting less and less satisfied.

Now, my milk is being used as the supplement and the formula is her main source of milk.  She’s a lot more satisfied.  She cries less.  She sleeps longer.

No matter how much I wanted to be her sole milk provider, I just don’t think my body was made for it.  I’m ok with that.  It happened with M when she was an infant.  I thought I could change it with K, but my physiology proved otherwise.

My nursing days are numbered.  I know it.  I know I’m going to miss it.

It was easy.  The night feedings were simple.  No one had to get up to make a bottle.

She is just starting to hug me as she nursed.  She was just starting to hold my breast like a huge bottle in her face.  The description might be crass, but believe me, it’s a cute thing to see.

I’m not giving up hope.  I’m going to continue to give her my milk, as little as it may seem to her.  Some milk from me is better than no milk from me.  I know I’m probably never going to produce enough for her to rely on completely again, but knowing that I can still give her something is good enough for me.

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