Living life in the carpool lane..

Archive for February 20th, 2015

Read about my ABC blog series here.

Look back – A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L , M, N, O, P, Q, R

I’ve been home since July of last year when I was suddenly put on bedrest due to my subchrionic hemmorhage early in my pregnancy.

Now that I have the baby, the big question is whether or not I’m going to go back to work.

It’s been a subject that we have been discussing for awhile.

I’ve been away from work for about 8 months now.  It seems almost normal being a “stay at home mom.”

M has thrived so much since I started staying home.  Even if I was under limited capacity, M seemed to just love that I am around 24/7.

I can’t imagine going back anymore.  It just seems…. mean.

I hated being a working mom… I felt like I was just a part-time mom.  I missed out on a lot of the daytime with her, only seeing in the late afternoon and evening for dinner and bedtime.. It didn’t seem fair to her.  It didn’t seem fair to me.  I wanted to parent her, not anyone else.

I also couldn’t balance life.  Cooking, cleaning, laundry, parenting.. I couldn’t find the right balance.  Everything was a mess because all I wanted to do was be with M.

(Ok.. so things are STILL a mess around here.. but that’s because I have a newborn and I’m still figuring things out… the excuses just never end, do they?)

Millions of mothers CAN do the working mom thing and do it successfully.  I just felt like I couldn’t.  I felt chaotic.  I felt like I had no control.

Once I stayed home, it’s like my world suddenly made sense.  Ok, so I was on bedrest.  Ok, so I was very limited with what I could and could do.  Ok, so staying at home during my pregnancy seemed… easy.

Now, I’m staying at home with two kids.  It’s hectic.  It’s chaotic.  Sometimes I don’t shower.  Sometimes I forget to brush my teeth.  My hair is constantly a mess.  I wear the same clothes for several days until they smell so much like baby spit-up that I HAVE to change.  I have NO time to myself.  The only adults I talk to are Hubby and my parents.

Staying home seems so much harder than working…

But I want to stay… I want to stay home.

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