Living life in the carpool lane..

Archive for November 11th, 2014


It’s not easy.

It sounds good.  Lying or siting around all day.  No cleaning.  No cooking.  No excessively being on my feet.  People helping me out.  People doing all the things I can do for me.  People pushing me around in a wheelchair so I don’t have to walk when we go out and run errands.

Sounds good.

But in reality, it’s very difficult.

I have a system.  I have things that I do my own particular way.  I’m not the type of person that usually asks for help.  I like to do things myself, especially if I have to sit and explain how to do things.  I’d just rather take the reigns and do it myself.

Control freak?  Maybe.  No, not maybe.  I’m definitely a control freak.  There’s no shame in it.  I do things how I do things and I know how to get things done.

So now that I can’t do them, it kinda drives me nuts.

I love going out, even it’s just to the grocery store or to Target.  It’s my way of getting fresh air, but it’s so hard to maneuver a wheelchair everywhere.  I feel like I’m always in someone’s way.  But going out is the only way I maintain my sanity from being indoors all day.

What kills me the most about this bedrest thing is that I can’t be the fully functional mother M needs to be.

While I can get up occasionally to take her to the potty, I can’t get up to play with her.  There are certain physical activities I can’t do with her that we used to do.  I try to find ways to play with her that involve just sitting down, but it’s hard when she’s so active.

I can’t carry her.  So when it comes to comforting her, it can be hard sometimes.  If she’s crying because she got hurt, I have to literally walk her to a couch or chair, then tell her to climb onto my lap WHILE she’s crying.  It’s so sad because my maternal instinct is to pick her up immediately and hold her close.

In the grand scheme of things, this is only going to last about 6 more weeks.  If all goes well, my OB is going to lift some of the bedrest restrictions when I hit 34 weeks.  I’m so grateful for the doctors trying their best to keep this baby in me for as long as possible and I’m so grateful for all the people that are going out of their way to help us out during this time of our lives.

I don’t want to come out sounding ungrateful, because I’m so thankful to be blessed with wonderful family that have been helping us out.  It’s just not an easy time for me and I just need this outlet to let out some of my frustrations.

I’m counting down to 34 weeks.  Baby and I can make it.

If this was God’s way to teach me patience, well, LESSON LEARNED!

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November 2014