Living life in the carpool lane..

Archive for August 2014

I’m uncomfortable.

The lying on the bed doesn’t feel good.

The couches don’t feel good.

I’m tired of lying on the recliner.

I feel so stretched out (that reminds me, I’m long overdue for a belly pic).

There is no position that relieves my discomfort.

I’m uncomfortable.

I don’t remember feeling this yucky with my first pregnancy. Then again, there were a lot of things I forgot from my first pregnancy that came flooding back during this pregnancy.

I hate to complain, but I feel like if I get this off my chest, I will be able to relieve some pent up frustration and find some comfort.

How did you deal with the constant discomforts of pregnancy?

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In exactly a month from yesterday, M will be three.

Three.

I knew this would happen, I just didn’t think it would happen so soon!

Then again, I think I’ve said this before her first and second birthdays…

She’s definitely ready to turn three.

The conversations we have are so much more interesting. Her actions are almost always entertaining.

I definitely see an increase in her maturity level from even just a few months ago.

Because of all that is going on this year, we aren’t having a huge birthday party. We will celebrate, but just on a smaller scale.

I’m going to cherish this month I have left with M as a two year old. She just seems to grow up faster and faster in my eyes.

Yesterday, I finally started blogging again after a good month off. A lot of it had to do with the pregnancy emergency I had at the beginning of July.

After it happened, I felt depressed. I felt helpless. I felt sad. I was scared something could happen to the baby. I was sad that I was confined to the couch or bed all day. I was frustrated that I couldn’t take care of M like I’m supposed to. I was mad at myself for having these issues. I was worried. Most of all, I was guilty for not being the proper mother I needed to be for M.

I was just a bundle if a wide range of emotions. I wanted to blog. I needed the outlet for everything I was feeling. I just couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t figure out to say everything I was feeling.

I needed to take the time to really sort everything out. I was a roller coaster of feelings. I would cry for the smallest reasons. I would get angry over insignificant things. It was probably hormones on top of everything else, but I needed to get control of it again.

I focused on M. She needed me to be the mommy she needs. True, I couldn’t chase after her, or carry her. But she still needed me. I focused on taking care of her to the best of my abilities.

Slowly, I’ve been pulling myself out of the funk. I still have episodes of helplessness. I still cry. But I know it won’t go away completely, especially with all the pregnancy hormones.

I’m better now. I’ve accepted that this is my life right now.

I’ve sorted things out emotionally and I feel like I can write again.

I apologize for suddenly abandoning the blog without any notice. I thank you all for your patience and hope you continue reading.

On July 5th, we were on our way to the beach.

I was buying food for our beach day when I first felt that first little bubble of fluid. I didn’t think it was significant, so I didn’t say anything. About 10 minutes later, I felt another bubble of fluid. That second bubble felt bigger than the first so I said something. My mother told me to look at what it was.

It was blood.

So instead of going to the beach that morning, the entire family spent the day at the emergency room.

Ultrasounds and blood tests showed us that the baby was fine. My hormone levels are fine. Everything was fine.

What caused the bleed was a pocket of blood found between my uterine wall and the sac that the baby is living in. They call this a subchrionic hemmorage.

Fortunately, it’s a pretty common occurrence and can hopefully resolve itself over time.

Unfortunately for me, my hemmorage is on the large side. When they first found it, the hemmorage was about 6cm long. The doctors suspect the bleeding and spotting would continue for some time.

Since then, I have been on modified bedrest. I’m allowed to stand up and walk to the bathroom. I’m allowed to stand up long enough to cook as long as the spotting is minimal. If the spotting gets heavier, I need to refrain from being on my feet.

Because of this, I’ve been off of work. My inlaws watch M and I during the day whole Hubby works.

I am also now considered a high risk pregnancy and see the doctor every 3 weeks.

I am now in my second trimester. I have about six months of pregnancy to go.

Who knew this pregnancy was going to be so challenging??


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