Living life in the carpool lane..

Archive for January 16th, 2013

Monday was a rough morning for me, “working mom” me.

It was bad.  Bad, like, “crying in the car on the way to work” bad.

I guess it started last week.  The past few mornings have been absolutely freezing.  It started off feeling terrible because I had to make Little M go through those freezing cold mornings to go to Grandma & Grandpas house to be watched while Hubby and I go to work.

She doesn’t need to go through that.  She needs to be in her nice warm bed, snuggling up next to her mommy.. me.

THEN, she spent the entire weekend at my hip.  Literally.  I couldn’t even leave her sight.  I’d go to the restroom, two seconds after I disappear, I hear “Mimi! Mimi!” and the pitter-patter of her little feet running towards whatever room she thinks I’m in. 

So, Monday morning, I’m getting ready to go to work and she wakes up crying for me.  I carry her, comfort her, put her back to sleep.  I try to lay her back on the bed and she holds me tighter and starts to cry. 

“Mimi!  Go milk!”

She wanted milk, so Hubby gave her some and I thought all was good.

I walk by her again and she sees me.  The waterworks start up again and she’s in my arms again.

I hold her so close and she finally calms down. 

I tell her I had to go and that she had to go to Daddy.  She holds me tighter again and starts to cry.

Sigh.. that’s when I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I start to cry!

It really isn’t fair that she has to go through this and I feel absolutely terrible and so so so so so guilty.

You can tell me that so many mothers go through this everyday, but right now, it just doesn’t help. 

I would LOVE to be a stay at home mother.  That’s the dream.

You can’t tell me that I’d be bored at home.  You can’t tell me that being at home would drive me nuts.  I don’t think I’d get bored.  I don’t think I would be drive nuts.  I think I would absolutely enjoy it.  I’d rather have the stresses of what to cook for dinner, or how many loads of laundry I have to do, or making sure M stays out of trouble.. I’d rather have all that than having to have her go out in the cold of an early morning, or having her cry for me when she wakes up and I’m not there..

It’s just so sad. 

I hope she understands all that I do for her when she gets older.. I just wish it didn’t make me feel so guilty..


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