Living life in the carpool lane..

Archive for October 2009

I forgot my phone at home today.

The thing I’m worried about the most is that Murphy’s Law is going to kick in and I’m going to be in a situation where having my phone would benefit me.

I’m praying hard that isn’t going to happen.

Because of my phone-less self.. I feel like I am not whole.  I still can’t believe how attached I am to my Blackberry.  It’s like a lifeline to me.

When did we become so attached to our cell phones?

Generations before us survived without a form of constant contact to the world.  Growing up, we didn’t have cell phones.  We still survived.. we still got around.. and we still did things.

Now.. I can’t imagine my life without a cell..

I can’t imagine getting anything done, or having any outing with out a cell phone.  It’s INSANE how ingrained a cell phone is into our lives..

It’s just going to be one of those days.. and I still hope it speeds on by.. but I’m still going crazy..

At least I have cookies.. and Google-chat.. oh technology.. how you have a hold on me..

This past weekend was busy..

We had this wonderful fundraiser breakfast to give money to the victims of the flood in the Philippines.  It was held at our local Applebee’s.  It was an all-you-can eat pancake breakfast for $10 a ticket.

The turnout was amazing, and we were so busy trying to accommodate everyone and make sure we kept the place clean, organized and happy.

I love doing work like that..  I love knowing that I’m making a small difference in the lives of these victims.   I love knowing that the people that showed up to the breakfast were happy, fed, and content.

The smiles on their faces, and knowing that the smiles and fellowship are all going toward a great cause brings so much joy into my heart..

I’ve always dreamed of making my dent in this world.. I wanted to be famous.. I wanted to change the world.. to be recognized.. appreciated in my time.. or after my time.. I wanted to just be recognized..

But now.. I would rather know that my heart is in the right place.. and getting credit for it is the least of my concern.  No one needs to know who was responsible.. as long as that person, or group of people, get the help they need and deserve..

As long as they are happy and safe.. does it matter where it comes from??

WordPress has this awesome feature that shows the stats on how many people stumble across you’re blog.

The past few days have shown that NO ONE has been reading my blog.. boo hoo!

I usually get one or two people coming up to the blog.. I don’t know if they read it.. or someone just clicks into it.

But lately.. none.. none.. none.

That makes me sad.. 😦

Things are starting to unravel a little bit in the little perfect fabric that I’d like to call my life.. things need to get changed up.. and it was something totally unexpected.

Once again, God is shaking things up.. and I have two choices on how to deal with this:

  • I could pout.. whine.. and just really bitter about it all.. or..
  • I could take the opportunity to find ways to change it..

I take the second option!

Right now.. I see life as one big cross-stitch project.. and our God is our cross-stitcher..

There are times that you are stitching and stitching.. and suddenly.. you realize you need to make a change in the stitching that you had done a few rows back.. so you have to go back and unstitch all the rows you had already planned on being part of the final picture..

I consider what I’m currently going through an “unstitching” of my final project.. in order to improve the BIG PICTURE..

Sometimes.. you need to go back and undo a few rows in order to ensure that the final piece is absolutely perfect..

And.. I’m just going through a little unstitching in order  to make sure that my life will be the most perfect that it can be..

So.. this is only a test.. this is only temporary.. this is only a way for God to make sure I’m not too content with my life and the direction that it’s going.. that I should still strive for so much better.. that I should still work towards advancing and increasing goals.. that I shouldn’t sit too still… or my butt may go numb!

The following was the written version of my Witness Talk done at the Cursillo Ultreya a few months ago.. because this was the written version, it may not be as cohesive or well-versed as the oral version I had actually done.  The basic gist of the talk is there.. and I will look through it before posting for any grammatical error.. but.. here it is..

I hope you enjoy…

Please leave any comments you have on the actual “Living life in the carpool lane..” blog page by clicking here..

A little warning.. it’s LONG..

When I was first asked to do the Witness Talk, my mind drew a blank.  I didn’t feel like I had enough experience to truly give a good witnessing.  I felt that nothing I would say would bear any significance.

But I also believed that God would provide.. Something will come up and it would flow out of me like water..

So.. I opened myself up to the Lord.. and I waited..

And waited.. and waited..

My mom would ask me if I had anything ready and I would say, “Nope.. I’m waiting..”

At the last Team Formation, Sister Ana asked me if I was ready and I said, “Nope.. still waiting..”

Suddenly, it was the week of the Ultreya and I still had nothing.

I panicked and went to the one place I turn to for comfort and advce.  I went on Facebook.  I went on Facebook and changed my status update to a plea to all Cursillistas for help.  My mom and Sister Cathy both responded by saying to think of my life before and after the Cursillo weekend.

Before.. and after..

Suddenly I realized I had something.  I had a song.   “Lay It Down,” sung by Jaci Velasquez.  It was a song, that after my Cursillo weekend, I fully embraced as MY song.  It was MY story.  I felt that she was singing that song for me.  That song was my “before and after..”

Before, my life consisted of prayer, planning, and wanting to control my life.  God had a part in my life.  His part was to give me what I wanted according to MY plan.  I’d find myself angry because I was doing everything I thought a “good Catholic” was supposed to do, yet everyone else was getting what they wanted, while everything I would plan constantly fell apart right in front of me.

I was in a relationship with a non-Catholic and we had marriage plans.. I remember praying so hard that God give us what we wanted.  I prayed, or more like begged, God to make things work out.  However, every time my fiancé and I came close to fulfilling those plans, God made things unravel.  It would make me angry, hopeless and doubtful of God’s actual presence in my life.

I’ve been looking ‘til my eyes are tired of looking
Listening ‘til my ears are numb from listening
Praying ‘til my knees are sore from kneeling
On the bedroom floor

I know that You know that my heart is aching
I’m running out of tears and my will is breaking

I don’t think that I can carry
The burden of it anymore

All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are slowly slipping through my folded hands

My mom let me read the book “Let Go & Let God.”  It said very poignant things, yet I don’t think I fully understand the concept.  I don’t think allowed myself to.  I was so engrossed in trying to make things work out in that relationship that I didn’t want to let myself understand it.  I didn’t want to know the outcome of letting go of the control of my life.  So I worked so hard to work things out in my relationship that I was even trying to find compromises to satisfy both religions.

Though willing to compromise, it left me uneasy.  I started studying, listening and reading about anything and everything I could that was Catholic.  But I again, I begged God to help me find “loopholes” in the religion to allow what my fiancé and I wanted to do, and again, I felt that God has let me down.

Along came my weekend.. that’s when I finally learned how to “lay it down..”  Just lke the song..

So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now

What else can I do
Everything I am depends on You

And if the sun won’t come back upI know
Your love will be enough
’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go
I’m gonna lay it down

After the Cursillo, I knew my place, I knew what I wanted and what God wanted of me, no compromises.  I had to do what I had to do.  I had to let it be, let it go, and lay it down.

Accepting no compromises, my relationship ended.  I found myself lost because I suddenly found myself without a plan.  I had nothing to fight for.  I was following God’s plans, and I didn’t know what that actually meant.

I went through the motions of my day to day life, trusting God would provide but doubting he even acknowledged me.  Perhaps, I thought, he forgot about me.

Slowly and surely I found myself in certain situations and I realized God was at work.  The pieces were coming together and I had direction… God’s direction.  I still had ups and downs, but I wasn’t angry.  There were still times that things didn’t go my way, but I wasn’t bitter.  I knew I was being taken care of, and it made my life so much more bearable.

I’ve been walking through this world like I’m barely living
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been digging
But You’re pulling me out and I’m finally breathing
In the open air

This room may be dark but I’m finally seeing
There’s a new ray of hope and now I’m believing
That the past is past and the future’s beginning to look brighter now
‘Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

The transition isn’t easy.  I’ve planned all my life and suddenly my life is not my own.  There are days that are harder than others.  Ther are days when I compare where my life is versus others and it makes me feel bad.

It’s times like those when I think of my song, and how much farther I feel my life’s journey has taken me knowing God has been there guiding me.  That’s when I take a deep breath in, and thank Him for all the blessings.

And I was right, if I truly waited for the right moment, the Lord will provide and these words would flow like water.. thanks be to God.

So there it is..

This is probably all new news to a lot of you.. but this is me.. and this is my life..

The Lord hasn’t given me anything I can’t handle.. and I believe that He never will.. He knows how strong a person I really am.. even if I don’t know it myself..

Remember.. to please refer all comments to the actual blog page by clicking here..

Welcome to Fall.. cold air.. cold winds.. cold all around..

Everyone seems to be glad for the cold.. everyone.. except me.

I’m not a fan of cold at all.  I despise being cold.  I am not a fan of bundling up.  I don’t like wearing layers and layers of clothing.. although I do like cuddling up in a nice warm comforter.. but that’s the extent of it all..

I like wearing shorts.. tank tops.. shirts..

I like walking outside at night without having to worry about bringing a sweater..

I think I am the only one that is NOT looking forward to this cold weather..

Oh well.. it’s part of life.. and that just means Christmas is coming.. yay!

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October 2009